


Sensitivity of a Sword

by Ikana



Category: One Piece
Genre: M/M, ZoSan - Freeform, Zoro x Sanji - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-07 20:36:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13442898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikana/pseuds/Ikana
Summary: "We got to know each other. Your guts hung from your stomach, the bleeding was a disgusting sight and the smell of death you emitted even ruined the fragrance seeping from the Baratie. Next thing I knew was that I had become your Nakama. The thought is as funny as it is bitter to believe. But bitter is a taste after all, so I might as well enjoy it thoroughly."- Sanji"Being a real Swordsman doesn't reduce to strength and muscle mass only, idiot. It's about feeling the very needs of what you get your grasp onto. Worship and respect are equally necessary to not only dominate but rather guide and work together. The heart and sensitivity you feel in your tastebuds are the very same heart and sensitivity I feel in my hands. Be it wielding swords or touching your skin."- Zoro(nsfw at chapter7)Info:Hiatus is over for now, updates come irregular from now on, no beta reading either.... because I'm pissed. More info on bottom notes of chap12.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've only started watching One Piece and I'm still at the very start. So it takes place in the earlier times of the Series. 
> 
> This time I actually plan on finishing this work.  
> Not beta read  
> \---

Things don’t develop at first sight. That is not how things work with our kind. Casual rules of life never applied to us to begin with.  
Starving to death after several days? Bleeding out from our guts hanging out and our bones being smashed to smithereens and getting cut up from the inside as well?  
It is nothing to us. It is what it is to us. What we agreed to in order to catch up with our dreams that got so much ahead of us… That is it what it is.  
It’s plain normal. We keep it simple. We just don’t die.

…But that does not mean that it does not hurt.

 

When life and destiny meet and try to stomp you down, it is alright, because you know yourself. What you are capable of. You can feel your own life slowly come to an end when things get critical. You can guess your end and it is okay because when you feel everything, there is nothing to worry left. Only knowledge. And enough time to prepare.  
That is not what it is like when your nakama get hurt. You don’t know how much life is left in them. You cannot feel it for them. You cannot prepare yourself.  
Loss comes suddenly. And it hits you harder than a cannonball.  
This is what it makes so harsh. Being a pirate… There is pain that goes beyond our wildest experiences.

The sea fits us though.  
Erratic. Indomitable. Vast. Merciless. And so full of life.  
Elegant and sometimes gracious too. 

Without the sea, we would never have met. None of us.  
Even though it had started with me thinking of them as irredeemable fools, I am now one of them. One of those whose greatest worry is if we will all make it. Without exception. 

So when I watched one of those fools who I disliked at first sight getting sliced open by a person I have never met before, I could not believe my eyes. That very moment I felt so much sympathy, so much hatred towards this recklessness that I could not forgive. Getting close with reckless people, I told myself it would not do me any good. It was already too much when he fell, his guts hanging out grossly and giving us all a clear view of his intestines. How could I trust people who would die without a worry when they have friends around them, their hearts clinging to the very person who is about to fall forever? Back then I screamed that letting go of his ambitions would be a better idea than dying half assed for them but also in vain.  


_This man. He is everything. But he is not half assed at all._


	2. So he can be gentle too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crew is about to run out of food. While Sanji starts to stress over it, Zoro is there to calm his nerves a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did some beta reading on my own and changed the text a lot. The content is still the same, I just think it's more fluent when reading it now. Also it all makes more sense now.   
> Also someone told me to add more spaces between the paragraphs for easier reading. I did that too. 
> 
> If there's still something that bothers you, please write it in the comments so I can learn from your feedback!
> 
> Happy reading!

“Sanji! You’re fishing? Did you catch something already? Did you did you did you did you did y-”  
“SHUT UP!”

Luffy simply tilted his head to the right when he saw the blond cook kicking out to him. Truly, that Captain could be such a pain in the ass... However after just missing Luffy at first, Sanji reached out once more to perform a circular kick so he'd hit the Straw-hat anyway.   
Even though the Captain was sent flying against the Going Merry’s staircase with a loud crash, he got back up immediately with a huge grin on his face. He walked up to the fishing man again, looking over his shoulder to watch the bait on its string sway in the water.

“Seriously, you’ll disperse all the fish when you’re so loud. We’re running low on food, this is a serious matter. I told you to go fishing too”, the cook muttered while looking down on the water where Luffy’s eyes also focused. Ashes dropped into the sea from the lit cigarette between his lips.

Luffy just tilted his head again. “Ah? You did?”  
“DAMN RIGHT I DID!”, Sanji yelled back annoyed. The young man lashed out to him again, just this time with his mere fist and hit Luffy’s head. Someone please remind him why Sanji had decided to join this walking cause of headache again? At times like these he couldn’t remember anymore.

Way too laid back, that’s what describes this Captain best. An absolute airhead! It is what makes travelling with him so much fun and yet so bloody exhausting.   
The blond looked down at the Captain who had tripped over after the direct hit. “Go get your fishing rod and hand it to the muscle idiot, he can do it in your place. Do anything, just do it somewhere else and do it _quietly_.” 

Tsk… Quietly. Not a word that could be found in Luffy’s vocabulary that easily. But that was also a good thing. Without that horrible attitude, none of the crew members would have gathered around Luffy. Luffy was fun to travel with after all.   
Beside, quiet Luffy meant trouble. It meant sharpened senses and utter danger lurking. Like an approaching boss fight.

 

Disturbed by the noise outside, their Navigator showed up at the door that lead below deck. “Oi, what’s the ruckus out here? I can’t work like that!”  
“Nami-swaaaaaan!” At the verge of exploding from pure excitement, hearts went flying out of Sanji’s eyes, praise of beauty and her being so amazing when angry spewed from the cook’s mouth as soon as she came into sight. 

She plainly ignored him when her look strived around to check on the general situation. That Sanji’s vows of doing even more fishing of love went on in the background didn’t bother her in the slightest. The cook would get tired from it eventually anyway. Trying to interrupt him was a waste of breath after all. 

What they performed right now was a usual picture of the crew having a good time. Their life was easily compared to the character of the sea. It was quite similar with its constant change of wild and calm, stormy, sunny, sad and happy. Problems were formless, nothing solid enough to grasp since the nature of them could change their shape from one second to another.

 

“Oi, Sanji?”, Luffy said while he leaned forward curiously.   
The other kept blabbering on of course, not realising something was going on.   
“Sanji”, he repeated a tad more clearly, which lead to the cook looking at him annoyed. The bark of an impatient “WHAT?!” was the result. 

“Your fishing rod is gone.”   
Sanji’s eyes widened at Luffy’s statement and he rushed over to where it had been secured just a moment ago. His heart skipped a beat at the sight. Gone. There was just an empty spot. 

In order to calm down he lifted his arms and began to rub his temples circularly to get rid of the upcoming headache he got.   
There it was. One of those kinds of problems that warped in its shape so quickly. How could a loud Captain be considered a problem when it could also turn out to be a gone fishing rod combined with a critical food situation? This was something else to deal with. 

“When did that happen?!”, he cried whacked. This couldn’t be true!   
“Right now”, Luffy explained simply. “I just watched it bowing and getting pulled on. But you didn’t listen so I watched it more until it got pulled into the water.”  
“WHAAAAT?! AND YOU DIDN’T HOLD IT?!” Was the pure hearted need of ripping your own Captain apart considered attempted mutiny? Because Sanji really craved to see Luffy bleed on the spot, that was how much that guy was grinding his gears. 

“Me? Since it was your catch I figured that you wanted to reel it in yourself.”  
“IDIOT!” He smacked him violently to satisfy at least a little bit of his viciously building up rage, and then ran back towards the railing to have a look beyond it. Water swayed back and forth smoothly, rocking the ship tenderly. It was all water. Nothing but blue. The rod was definitely sunk and gone. It couldn’t be helped now. “Alright Luffy… hand me yours.”  
“Mine? It’s gone?”  
“………..WHAT?”

Nami watched from above, wondering if this noise would ever cease. But it was understandable that Sanji was making such a fuss over it. The situation was worrisome after all. They were in the middle of the sea and after ramming a reef a while back, the impact had damaged their cooling chamber. 

Since it was a specially crafted space, simply smacking planks onto the tear would not do an good isolating job. It got too warm in there with the special shell broken and the ice had melted quicker than it should have long ago.

On occasion of the situation, Ussop had crafted fishing rods for the crew- But those had also been done with some little remaining crafting supplies. The general stock on the ship was running low, no matter what. 

The girl looked up to the sky, feeling a soft breeze on her skin. No change in wind. It was weak but steady. Just enough so they would not have to row. Her eyes fell back down. Sanji choked Luffy. The sight made her smile. Even now Luffy was trying to be cheerful and let his head swell up to demonstrate his lack of air. She appreciated it. A little bit at least.

Of course. They were in a bad situation. Sanji threatening the rubber man to become bait next was relatable, it even occurred to Nami that sometimes this sounded like a better use for Luffy than to call that weirdhead their Captain.   
But he was a strong one. And he valued his friends. Like everyone on this ship did. It wasn’t Luffy’s fault for not fully comprehending the situation. Luffy was a dreamer who used this ability to keep everybody motivated and sticking together. 

Nami on the other hand tried to keep them all from living in their air castles for too long. She would have to come up with something before things would get out of hands. First she needed to say something to get the two of them apart.

“It is bad, what shall we do now?”, she asked eventually. The cook looked up, hearts in his eyes again. “Don’t worry, Nami-san! We’ll find a way! I’ll make lots and lots of food of love for you!” He turned towards Luffy. “And I will start with cooking you, idiot!”  
“Ah? Me! No no no! I’m rubbery, get it Sanji? Rubbery! Like meat! Oi, Sanji! Make some meat, I’m hungry!”   
“WE DON’T HAVE ANY MEAT!”, the blond yelled furiously. Didn’t go anything through his thick skull or was he just stupid?

There she was, Nami, appearing behind both of them and hitting both of them on their heads. “Shut up you two! We need to find a solution!” 

She looked around, deciding to send Luffy to talk to Ussop in order to make something up. Sanji went into the kitchen with his head hanging low because Nami was also mad at him. But now he could take his time to give it all a proper thought and also to check the supplies once more. 

He set an old apple aside for himself and started cutting the last somewhat fresher looking fruits and some bread. He would have to use the eggs too or they would spoil.   
While having a look around, he started getting the first ideas for an improvised meal. He could soak the dry bread in water, mix it with more flour and the eggs and fry fruit slices in this improvised dough. Not a good receipt, but it would be sufficient for a warm meal this day.

Cutting short on eating to be careful with the supplies was useless at a time like this, so they have had plenty the last few days. Sanji preferred them getting up a little fat, just in case the harsh times would eventually come. Also letting the food go to waste by waiting too long until it got bad would also have been a mistake. 

Those feasts of enormous amount of food had satiated all of them of course, but by now they had run out of food that could get bad so fast. Like all the meat, milk products and such. 

Since then he had pretended to have eaten beforehand while nobody was around. In fact he had not eaten in two days. But admitting it would only worry his Nakama, so he kept quiet about it. It was his resolve. In favour of his friends, he stopped eating so his Nakama had more left. Especially Nami since she was so thin and fragile! And beautiful and perfect and everything that perfection is made of, all gathered in one body!

With her in mind he grinned widely while heating the stove. In the meantime he cut the bread into pieces and threw them in some water, broke open the eggs to get the insides in a bowl, then prepared the flour, kneaded the soaked bread with his hands, mixed in the eggs, added a tad of flour along with a pinch of salt and kneaded this again. 

When he ripped the dough in half to separate one portion to bake it up to become bread again, he checked the fat’s heat in the pan by holding the palm right above. Just a little more. 

With his beloved razor sharp knife he sliced the fruits into pieces, ripped some tiny bits out of the second portion of dough, pressed the slices in, sprinkled some powdered sugar on top and let it rest. 

The other lump that was supposed to become bread would get a different treatment. Sanji reached for the selection of his spices and added some to give it a mediterranean touch in taste. Some dried chili got cut down and then crushed to powder. He added it all, kneaded it in well and eventually divided it by four so everyone would get a little loaf. 

While he let it bake, he shook the pan on the stove where the dough-wrapped fruits already fried.

The noise of the hot fat hissing blocked his hearing somewhat, but he could tell that someone had entered the kitchen. He sensed it very well. 

Since it was his back that was facing the door, his sixth sense had to do the work for him. Taking a guess who it was was not too difficult. 

“Oi. If you’re here to demand booze, get out.”  
Zoro did not say anything as he sat down and watched the blond cook in silence. It was uncomfortable for Sanji to have such an intense stare resting on his back. The atmosphere was tense on top of that. Whatever the reason was, Sanji had no clue, but they could feel it both that something was off.

Zoro was edgy. So was the cook. But Sanji kept moving the snacks in his pan casually to keep them from burning nevertheless. It was also his way of not giving away that he felt somewhat worked up by the other’s presence. Unfortunately Zoro could be quite observing and smart about the little details he’d see. 

When he was done, Sanji put the little bit he had fried on a nearby plate. He tried to make his words sound bored. “What’s up with your stare. It’s creepy.”  
“Have you eaten?”

Sanji smirked. That bastard. He had never believed the lie of having eaten before everyone else. That was exactly why he didn’t like the muscle bastard around. He could be such a smart ass.   
“Sure”, he replied flatly. “As always.” He reached for the pack of cigarettes close by, grabbed one from inside and lit it when stuck in his mouth. 

“As always” the other replied with a mocking voice. Sanji bit his lip. His back was still facing the rest of the room. He’d rather not turn around to look at Zoro right now. It was bad enough that he had been lying just now. 

Lying to your Nakama...   
You do what you have to in order to protect them, right? It indeed is betrayal, but with an intention of goodwill. 

You can gauge your own strength and abilities, so you know how to handle yourself. Putting more burden than necessary on your friends would also be reckless, so Sanji chose his own way of handling the situation. By doing this. 

“It’s rather you taking the damage than giving us a feel of hunger. That’s it?” Zoro’s voice was quiet and calm. He sounded understanding. Yet there was this hint of annoyance swinging between the lines that could mean a dangerous thing. Sanji knew it wasn’t meant as a threat. Zoro cared after all. They were friends in a weird, probably sarcastic way. But that didn’t exclude that Zoro could get upset by Sanji treating himself recklessly in favour of others. 

“I am who I am.” He turned and put a small plate in front of the man. Three slices of fried fruit bread.  
“You’ll have the lady have a bigger share for her body is weaker than ours I assume?”  
“Tsk. Don’t make me sound like a gentleman. It’s embarrassing!”, the swordsman spat and shoved the plate away. “How long will this last before it spoils?”

“Oh, Zoro. It’s not like you to think ahead”, the cook teased with a smirk. He pushed himself away from the kitchen counter and walked over to his shipmate. The steps echoed in the room as he moved.   
Eventually he came to lean against the table next to Zoro. He did not look at him directly though. His eyes were fixed at the bright sky that could be seen through scuttle. While being all focused on the bright outside he inhaled deeply to experience the taste of his beloved tobacco. 

“Considering the high temperature… Until tomorrow noon I assume. I wouldn’t want it to rest too long, it’ll lose its taste. We have some bread left as well and the drinking water will last for 8 days if we keep using it normally. But that can be stretched out.” Sanji put the cigarette between his fingers and let his hand sink to grab the edge of the table Zoro sat at. A thin line of smoke rose up to form curls that blended into the room’s steamy air. It mixed with the fatty smell and polluted the appetising fragrance.

“So it is no use keeping this meal either since it will only last for short anyway”, Zoro murmured.  
The cook turned his head curiously. “Are you worried? It’s not like you.”  
“I overheard your quarrel with Luffy. The rods are gone. We’ll have to find shallow waters to hunt with our weapons, or we’re in trouble. When’s the next landing on an island?”  
“15 days was what Nami said this morning. Since the recent winds held us back so long, we’ve lost a lot of time. Also the most recent attack cost us more time than expected. It can be annoying too… Getting hunted I mean.”

The swordsman lifted his hand and put it on Sanji’s shoulder. “What are you saying, crappy cook? That’s what it makes fun being a pirate.”

What a gentle touch. It was so nice once in a while. He put his hand on top of it. It was warm. It gave off a comforting feeling that he welcomed once in a while. The tension was gone since the palm had found its place on his shoulder and things had turned unusually quiet.

Sanji was seriously worried. That his hand was actually grasping back was a clear proof. 

That traumatizing experience, Zoro was aware that the cook did not want his Nakama go anywhere near that starving point Sanji had once experienced. The Swordsman tightened his grip to reassure him. “What are you afraid of, crappy cook?”, he asked even though he knew it very well. “I’ll go fishing now. It’ll be fine.”

And Sanji’s grip tightened. His stress level eased up even more at those words. There were a few things he had to be aware of. First of all, that it would be his absolute fail if he would allow hunger to gain ground on this very ship. So he steadied his resolve, brushed off the big hand and got up. He brought the cigarette back to his lips, took another drag and let the tobacco do its job to calm him down completely.   
He looked down onto the still sitting Marimo and smirked.

“I’ll go too.”


	3. Let go while you're with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanji's worrys peak after the food hunt did not only end up with no prey, but also with a wounded ship mate. Zoro tries to calm the cook down, but it's not that easy since the cause of his stress is due to the trauma experienced in his childhood. So when giving the order does not seem to help, Sanji requests his ship mate to help.

With the finished food served – not to mention that Nami got a serving twice as big as everyone else – and three slices left for Zoro next to Sanji’s apple, there was nothing left that could stop Sanji from taking care of the food hunt as well.  
The corded ladder was let down, the anchor was cast, the sails were lifted and both men had stripped down to their utmost necessities to keep covered in front of the ship’s lady. Luffy had taken his seat at Going Merry’s head like he always did and watched the situation. Both, the cook and the swordsman had taken stance at the plank and had jumped in head first. Their disadvantage of fighting skills being reduced in the waters was nothing any of them worried about. They had to act as long as their energy was still replenished.  
No surprise Ussop had passed, talking about sharks and sea creatures and thousands of excuses not to enter. It didn’t mean anything to Sanji. When the cold water hit his skin and the faint taste of salt spread in his mouth, he couldn’t but think back about this time, stuck on the island. Memories of pain, desperation and weakness infected his concentration as he went deeper, looking around only to see the light slowly fade above him and to see nothing but water around him. Estimated four and a half meters beneath the surface he stopped and tried to make anything out. Of course fish would not stay after someone jumping in, but it was completely empty around here. 

Zoro showed up next to him, looking around as curiously. There were no big shadows, no huge sea creature that might have fed on fish from this area. Maybe if they took some time. Sanji headed back up, the salt water already burning in his eyes like mad. The other was not as fast to follow.  
The cook took ahold of the ladder and wiped his eyes with the other to get the salt water out. “What a nasty feeling…”, he mumbled to himself and spit the salty fluid in disgust as he felt it invade his mouth when he had talked. His hair that had been going with the water’s flow just a few seconds ago hung flatly from his head, his usually covered eye now free to daylight as he had whipped his hair back after diving up. He bit his lip. Salt had a gross taste. It was the only taste he could not stand. This was even more of a despicable flavour than blood. To him, salt was the very reminder of the near death experience he had never been able to overcome.  
He spit again, bit the inside of his cheek and bit again. A cigarette would be nice to cover to up. But he would have to wait until fish got back here.  
He looked down. Zoro was still holding his breath and kept his place. He could see that the man was drifting away bit by bit, but it was not too bad. That guy was probably aware of it. …on the other hand. With that sense of direction? Sanji decided to watch him some more. The moving surface and the light glistening on the wave’s sharp edges gave him other thoughts. When someone was smashed against a wave like these, high and edgy to the top, would enough speed not only cause inner bleeding at the impact, but maybe, if it was fast enough, be able to cut the body? They had seen wind cutting, water shot at cannon speed and smoke take a grasp. In this world, there was nothing impossible. So All Blue was not impossible either. If only he could reach it. A sea so full of life that nothing was impossible anymore.  
With a smile he let go, inhaled deeply and went down to accompany the idiot swordsman once more. It was time for them to make a catch. 

Zoro looked around so he could identify what moved towards him. Only a human. Only Sanji. Good enough, he had spotted a fish, huge of course, a swordfish that could easily get them through three days if they had the possibility to cool it. So Sanji shook his head, it would be a waste. But Zoro nodded and made a gesture with his hand that probably meant something like “half of it” and then he pointed at his stomach and it was enough for the cook to understand. Luffy and Zoro were good eaters after all, so maybe if it was caught, it would not be too much of a waste.  
The green haired pointed a curve around the fish, most likely indicating that Sanji was supposed to shoo it towards him so he could grab it. What a man. But Sanji did. Slowly swimming around, careful not to scare it away. Then he pushed his hands towards an incredibly motionless Zoro and really, the fish fell for it, going towards him! Just when Sanji thought that it was this easy apparently, Zoro’s grip did not last. Its wet scales were slippery and it escaped in a mere second and Sanji exhaled depressed before getting up again.  
He took hold of the ladder again and used some time to wipe his eyes, the burning blinding him again as it usually did. When he opened them again to see, the water was dyed red and he just hung there, hallway on the ladder, not comprehending what was going on. He looked around. Zoro. There was no Zoro. He looked up. No Luffy on Merry’s head.  
He looked down at the water, then up again. His blood ran cold. “Oi…”, he murmured. “Shithead…” 

Just when he was about to jump in again to dive and look for him, familiar rubber wrapped around his body and dragged him up, not without almost choking him of course, since that was inevitable with Luffy’s style of doing things. The ladder got pulled up by Ussop and while the cook still coughed violently from having his air cut off so suddenly, he made out the idiotic swordsman on the floor, bleeding. Nami was already running towards him, preparing the bandages for the stomach.  
“Oi…”, he said, sounding annoyed though it was far from what he actually was. “What did I miss down there?”  
Zoro laughed quietly. “That thing… came back and pierced through. Neat and clean.” He gave the wound a look. It was a small, yet clean hole indeed. Apparently all organs were okay, otherwise that bastard wouldn’t be able to sit anymore, but it pissed Sanji off nevertheless. “What’s it with you, being careless?”  
“What’s with you, jumping into the sea, trying to grab fish with your bare hands?”, Nami interrupted worked up. Her pressing the wound dressing onto the hole in the stomach wasn’t gentle at all, she had to express her anger after all.  
“But why’s it torn in the length?”, the blond asked, ignoring the rhetorical question the navigator had given.  
“Because the sword was still in when Luffy dragged me out and the weight tore it”, the wounded answered simply as if he was in no pain at all. Sanji bit his lip. Acts of bravery, that’s what they always did. Getting wounded, even with no enemies. Getting in trouble over things that on other days seemed so little. The life of a pirate was a life like this, he knew! But when there was nobody around they had to beat, why was it so common to act tough still? It hurt. It obviously did. It was because Zoro hid it that Sanji naturally did when he was in pain as well. It was how things went on this ship. But being in pain still meant that it hurt. Showing that couldn’t be considered pitiful, right? 

He walked up to him and stepped on Zoro’s stomach violently, causing him to cry out. Ussop, Nami and Luffy all gasped in surprise too. “You idiot had it and let it get away!”, he yelled, upset over nothing and everything. He had been down too, why was it someone like this guy to take the injury? Sanji could deal with pain, but friends suffering… It was him to be in charge of the food, Zoro could have just stayed on deck, sleeping or anything. There had been no obligation, Sanji could have gone alone. Now it was like this. And without food on top of that!

The cry of the man below him was satisfying at least and he turned away now to leave them. “Idiot, not even capable of handling a tiny fish. You’re so lame…” With that he disappeared into the kitchen. He needed some alone time. 

Inside he took the apple he had chosen for himself. When he touched it the skin gave in. It did not look good anymore.  
He took the plate with the last three fried fruit slices and set it down next to the swordsman. “Eat this, so you’ll heal faster.”  
“That’s not enough to help me even a little bit”, Zoro replied dryly and Sanji stepped on the wound once more with a lot of force. “Don’t be ungrateful for food, you idiot! Eat it up and go try again!”

 

What he hadn’t thought was that Zoro really did try again. He had been on the hunt for fish after that, but without success again. Luffy had always watched to be the emergency rescue to land Zoro in case of danger. But there was no case of danger anymore. Nothing reappeared. 

During the night, Zoro entered the kitchen again, meeting with the cook.  
“Oi, no booze, idiot. Go back on watch.”  
“It’s Ussop’s turn on the watch.” The swordsman sat down beside him and handed him one of the three snacks that had been for Zoro. Sanji looked up. “What’s that?”  
“The food you made. I don’t want this.”  
Sanji’s eye twitched. “You don’t want this? It is the best I can do in this situation, how can you be so ungrateful-“ His hand was caught and his words of upcoming rant silenced promtly. “It’s so you eat too” was all the other said and Sanji sighed. He looked at the apple at the counter. “I have something stored up”, Sanji replied softly so nobody would hear them. The rough hand of his ship mate went from the wrist he had caught tightly down to the elbow, fingers stroking the skin softly while doing so. “Oh? The spoiled thing over there that smells worse than your feet? Where’d you dig that up?”  
Both went silent. It was so true. Zoro seemed like an absolute no brainer from time to time, but he was surprisingly sly at times. He was a good observer and he had a good core. Sanji eventually took the last snack and slowly ate it before laughing quietly. “Oh my god… it tastes horrible…”  
Zoro tilted his head. “Eh? You think? I liked it.”  
“You would eat a sponge if you saw one, you hog.”  
“Don’t compare me to Luffy, I prefer the food you make over anything. And you know it.”  
With a gentle laugh, Sanji let his hand rest against the table. “Thanks for the share, Zoro.” He grabbed the male’s hand. The hand that reaching out to had become easy so quickly.  
One fight here, a wound there. A touch on the shoulder to reassure, holding each other back, body contact that had been out of question at first had become as natural as them becoming Nakama. Fighting alongside could do so much to people. Hearing reasons when there’s a talk at the battle for life and death, nothing could be more honest. The insight they got of each other so far, tales of the past, it all came together naturally and the bond has formed to become so strong without doing anything. Their being together had gained so much momentum that there was no way that they could overlook each other’s deepest fears and biggest dreams.  
The hand squeezed tighter. “Hey, Zoro… Will they have to be hungry? What if I can’t get the food in time before you all get hungry? … Hunger does so many cruel things to a human… killing intent rises even for comrades… it’s horrible…”  
The gripped hand pulled back and instead strong arms wrapped around the less built frame of the cook. “If we get hungry, we’ll chew on Luffy. He’s chewy.”  
“He’s a rubber person, of course he is.”  
“See? No need to worry, it’ll take ages to eat him.”  
Sanji held onto him even tighter. A warm and secure feeling. The smell was entrancing too, sun, salt and sweat. Manly, nothing like a lady, but this smell of strength gave him more security than anything he’d feel that he would have to protect now. 

“You don’t seem to be doing well…”, the swordsman stated quietly.  
“Because I’m not.”  
“Is it only the trauma?”  
“Idiot… How should I know? Mainly I think… I never thought that I would ever have to worry about food supplies ever again. If I cannot even feed those who are with me, then what kind of Nakama am I?”  
Zoro pushed him against the table and down onto it. “Let go”, he offered calmly. Sanji had his eyes closed. His ribs hurt, his back did so as well, but he did not mention it. He could hold back. He was able to estimate the damage and weight the necessity of mentioning it. And he was against it.  
“No.”  
“Of your worries I mean, shit cook.”  
“Can’t…”  
Zoro pulled back somewhat to have a good look at him. “Learn it then.”  
Sanji laughed. Simple minded. If only things were that easy...  
“You can’t handle girls very well, now can you?”  
“So what?”  
“Learn it”, he teased and ended up getting smacked by Zoro. Even though it hurt he kept laughing. It was what probably was the best right now to lighten up the mood.  
“You can’t compare it”, Zoro stated coldly. Sanji perked up. “Kuina was not a girl I liked and it all ended tragically. She was different from how you see women.”  
“But it still blocks the way of how you handle the ladies. You’re no good with them, Zoro.”  
The stronger man’s eyes narrowed and that was the clear sign of letting go. The topic was fragile and Sanji worked on things differently, had different needs than Zoro had. So the cook reached out to apologise. His hand got smacked away.  
It was enough. They should stop. Sanji tried to wiggle out but the pressure on his shoulder holding him down. “I told you to let go of your worries.”  
“Straight back to the topic, aren’t we?” The cook leaned up slightly.  
“Help me to let go then”, he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not beta read  
> "Help" is up in the next chapter ;D


	4. Getting closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The help turned out to be a massage, but both of them realise that touching is not a bad thing in moments when they'd like to give their pirate bravery away for just a brief moment. Especially Sanji learns to appreciate. And Zoro's body is the first to respond after getting to know the cook a little better with his hands.  
> The distance closes.

Help is an extensive term that takes many different appearances. Therefore helping someone to let go is a difficult task that requires great sense of sensitivity and understanding. Simply put – Empathy.  
If Zoro really had that much of it, honestly, Sanji had doubted this to begin with, yet you will never know unless you go with the flow and try out whatever experience may spread out before you. Since the chance was there Sanji had decided to take it anyway and now lay on the wooden table, back slightly lifted up and his upper body supported on both elbows. He smirked widely. Whatever happened now, it would not matter. Between them, things wouldn’t end up bad. 

Zoro put a hand on the other male’s chest and gently pressed him back down. The way the swordsman licked his lips reminded the blond of a carnivorous monster that was about to devour prey and the mixed feeling that gesture caused made Sanji wonder about the quality of his decision to stay. But he sunk back, just like the pressing against his body had indicated and he waited.  
“So… what is this going to be about?”, the cook dared to ask eventually. Whatever might be so helpful about getting pinned onto a goddamn kitchen table in the middle of the night was a rather great mystery to the man, but Zoro seemed unfazed. He ran his fingertips up the cook’s arms. “Helping you let go.”  
“That easy?”, the blond asked sceptically. But this time there was no response. The man above wore a calm yet serious expression. His eyes were halfway closed which made their colour seem much darker than it really was. The fingers reached the shoulders and went to the front to unbutton the shirt. Sanji however reached up to stop him. “What is this about?” He didn’t trust it fully, whatever was about to come now, he wanted to know what to make of it. Zoro gave him a bored look in return. The fingers tightened around Sanji and he smashed him back down without changing his expression. “Shut up. I might know what I’m doing.”  
“You might…”, Sanji replied after a strained gasp brought about by the impact. Zoro just nodded and now reached for the buttons again to open them. The suit coat had already been off from the start, so sliding the pinstriped shirt off the shoulders of the man was an easily performed task. This time the blond did not move anymore, waited patiently and did not even follow his pretty dominant urge to grab a cigarette. He let it happen. Because why not?  
The cool air hitting his skin made him shudder slightly and he looked up tense, his eyes followed every little movement that Zoro did. Not only because he was wary of the new situation, but also because it reminded him of what he would do when he wanted to try and taste a fine lady for those were the most delicious sweet things of the whole planet! 

Sure thing, that narrow minded muscle idiot sure did not have something like that in mind, but the mere comparison to the situation caused Sanji to stay alert. That however turned out to be the wrong thing to do. Zoro pulled the headband from his arm and hung it loosely on top of Sanji’s eyes to darken the view. Now with shadows laid upon his sight, this felt even more like something odd was going on, but he did not move. And the shudder from before got even more intense when hot and now he realised – also very rough – fingers went back to his shoulders again. The neck got a few soft strokes. In a manner that was way too gentle for a man of Zoro’s calibre. He felt his left arm getting grabbed and the fabric of the shirt slid off from there. Then the right. And again it slid off smoothly and the whole torso was exposed to the night air Going Merry’s kitchen. The touch was so careful and sensual, it was amazing to think that this was a touch belonging to a man in general. It did not make any sense. His fingers twitched and Sanji wanted to reach up, only to get caught again, the wrists getting slammed down, but not as harsh as before.  
Endangering the hands of a cook was as good as a crime after all.  
The rough fingertips went up again and grabbed the shoulders. 

Next thing Sanji heard was a horrible cracking sound and fierce pain in his shoulders and he grit his teeth so he would not cry out loud. But he did rebel with his body. But the grip on him was tight and fighting was futile. First he had to withstand the shock of whatever that had been. Then that cracking sound could be heard again and he felt it coming from the joints of his shoulders when something worked in his muscles with obvious determination. He exhaled strongly. “You could have warned me… asshole.”  
Zoro just huffed. “If you’d have relaxed, it wouldn’t have hurt as much”, he stated frankly and kept working.  
“What makes you think this’ll help me?”  
“You’re tense.”  
“That’s not what I asked.”  
“Balanced body, balanced soul”, was the simple answer of the swordsman as he went along the neck now and started to rub symmetrically to the cervical spine. Sanji’s eyes closed and he started to enjoy the treatment. 

Several minutes passed and Sanji already felt like a new person only from his neck being treated like that. But he was interested in why Zoro had done this. He tried to reach for the headband again only to receive another smack. “Leave it. What do you think letting go means?” Sanji felt a finger touch the bridge of his nose and the will to pull away was only blocked by the table underneath him. “It’s about stopping what’s happening in your head and relaxing fully. Only with no weight in your heart you can reach for your full potential.”  
“Oi... what’s those wiseass words coming from you.”  
“When you ask for my help, take it or leave it but no half ass shit.”  
Sanji hummed at that and spread his arms out lazily. “Keep going then. It feels pretty good considering it’s a treatment coming from you.”  
There was no answer in return. He worked thoroughly and he tried to imagine the way Zoro might look during that sort of workout. The cracking sounds from the massage had vanished and now everything went gentle and smooth. The thoughts about being hungry, the worries about anyone suffering from starvation, for now everything was all blank and gone. All the cook did was to enjoy his life to the fullest while getting this outrageous treatment. 

Feeling the tension fade like water during ebb tide, Zoro felt satisfied. He was a confident man and knew what to make of his skills. And if it helped Sanji forget it was a good thing. But he wasn’t where he wanted Sanji to be yet. There was more potential.  
His fingers let go from the shoulders and he touched both arms at the same time and carefully dug into the upper arms. “I told you to relax, idiot.”  
“I am relaxed.”  
“You’re not.”  
His arm twitched. “I am.”  
Zoro smirked and pressed deeper, resulting in the blond to wince. “Not.” He rubbed the muscles. They were not just firm and well built. Definitely a sight worth looking at. But they still did not feel all relaxed. So he took one arm and moved it to the side of the cook’s body. “Here. Like this. Just concentrate on your own body. Imagine it being heavy. There’s no will in you. You just want to clear your mind and take your first step from there.” He trailed it with his fingers carefully before taking the second arm and positioning it similar to the other as well. Then he stroked it again to calm him. “It’s all relaxed. At a safe place like this you can give yourself up.” He let his palms roam over the stomach and chest. “You can let go entirely. It’s a safe space right now.”  
Ah, it sounded idiotic. But Sanji reacted positively. The last bit of tension faded and Zoro pulled the headband away from Sanji’s eyes. He walked around him again and started to work the neck and shoulders again. Zoro knew. The need of letting go. It was a horrible craving that was something impossible to obtain since they were in the position of being pirates. Trusting was not an easy matter and forgetting was life threatening at most of the times. As much as Zoro would welcome it himself just occasionally, granting this wish someone else was the choice he’d make above taking an opportunity like that.

His hands kept running along the chest now, his rough flat palms felt the traces of all muscles, felt the texture of cool skin and when he leaned up to reach for the jaw he brushed over both nipples thoughtlessly. A long, relaxed sigh was released in response and Zoro knew that what he had done was something without a doubt enjoyable. Not that he had an idea about this, but there was no need for it. He had learned far more during this time about Sanji than words would have been able to teach him. Slightest tensions, ways to release them. Places where stress originated from. The balance of muscle mass und muscle usage. They were all good hints. Now he also knew that compared to Sanji’s strong legs and therefore phenomenally developed stomach and back muscles, the whole upper body was not in a bad shape but somewhat neglected in balance. He could work with that though. 

The blond cook seemed to be in utter trance and it was even better this way. Zoro slid the sleeves of the shirt back on and sloppily buttoned it back up before he lifted the cook up. He carried him back into the cabin and placed him in the hammock.  
What a kiss meant, he had no clue. But it felt right. So not a single thought was wasted when he leaned above him and gave these halfway opened lips an soft touch with his own, so soft it could easily be compared to a dream. Reality had nothing to do with the desires that started to burn up now that he had tasted the feeling of flesh beneath his fingers. Warm and willing, easy to get touched and careless enough to give itself to him willingly.  
Sanji was by any means in danger, he would just be a very pleasing future partner for exploration that was just about to start. And since Zoro had absolutely no clue about what was going on with his body, the shitty cook was the one to explain it all eventually. 

Sanji already had a dream. About fish in water that was deeper that he had ever seen it before. He was diving in the middle, swarms of fish moved like clouds in the sky, thick and rich, agile between reefs and wrecked ships, soaked wood and empty treasure boxes. Jellyfish swayed around, huge creatures swam their way past him and even though he could not identify any, he just wanted to reach out and try to figure out their taste.  
It was a wonderful dream. It was paradise. Clear. Clean. Full of life.  
This had to be somewhere around All Blue! 

Zoro on the other hand just went to sleep.  
He had a massive boner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm having a fever since I started writing. I just wondered if it was really good what I write?  
> I could do better if I could focus better... But I can't, so it's kind of short and probably messed up.
> 
> What do you readers think?
> 
> (not beta read)


	5. Bitterly exquisite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanji is ready to go for another hunt in the sea, but his past keeps scaring him. The consequences if he fails to catch food will be the suffering of his friends and Sanji cannot take that much responsibility. So Zoro reaches out for him and tries to convince him of the fact that memories should not be something to hold a person back, but that they should rather be a source of strength and pride.

New days promise changes all the time. A new morning sun brings new weather, fresh wind and thus far untold stories. Almost like a new page in a book that’s introducing a new chapter.   
This new chapter however starts with the loud growl of stomachs and indescribable hunger among crew members such as the monster trio. Wherein Sanji would be least worried about Luffy for that guy was always hungry to begin with, but their situation got worse. He would have to dive in order to fish this day again or they would be even more hungry for days to come. 

During their previous hours they had left the empty waters they had been in, so Sanji’s hopes weren’t completely gone yet. It meant that a new chance could get them new food on the plate, right? Especially because he felt so utterly refreshed after last night’s occasion. Zoro had performed a good job on him, his shoulders felt far more free and his muscles were still all relaxed.   
Nevermind the hammock, it was a nice place to sleep, but not the best thing for your back at all. 

When the cook entered the spacious deck he inhaled the moist, somewhat salty air and experienced the cleaning effect it had on his lung. Time to grab a cigarette.   
He whipped out his lighter and let it click a few times. Sparks went flying but that was it. Otherwise it stayed cold and dark. He gave it a sceptical glance, then looked beyond it at the sky and back down at the lighter. The sky was as red as the fire that was supposed to be emitted by the lighter. Said fire that was not there.   
The man sighed and put the lighter away only to retrieve a match box with a few of them left. Instead of poking the box open he gave it a swing with his full hand to open it and had one match fly out of it. He caught it easily before lightning it with another fluent move. Now he held it to his mouth where the cigarette was located between his lips and next time he inhaled it tasted of hot tobacco. A relaxing taste that spread not only in his whole mouth but also in his whole system. He leaned against the door to the cabins below deck and watched the sun rise.   
He would have to be quick, otherwise the others would wake before he had caught some prey. So he walked up towards the railing and looked at the anchor. Time to cast it he assumed. But he couldn’t do it alone, so much was obvious. 

“Good morning, Sanji-kun.”   
The cook looked up. It was Nami. Of course his heart was fluttering in excitement but it was not the same as always. He did feel weaker. Hunger made his bones feel heavy and his muscles feel lazy and numb.   
He greeted her in a calm and more human way than he usually did. The girl walked up to him. “You’re so quiet, Sanji. Are you worried?”   
The cook pulled the cigarette from his lips and blew out the smoke that had collected in his lungs. He didn’t look at her. He could not even see her through the curtain of hair that blocked the sight of his eye, but sensing her was enough. “Of course. I can’t stand it when people are hungry. Running short on supplies is the worst that could happen to us. Ussop understands but Luffy and Zoro won’t make it like this. Honestly, Luffy can’t handle skipping even one meal. That man becomes useless without food…” He lifted his hand and ran it through his hair. During that motion he sunk down and sat at the cold wooden floor that was still damp from the morning dew. Name sat down beside him. She was worried about her friend in this condition. It was nothing to laugh about, Sanji was seriously stressed about it.   
“Fight the bad thoughts, Sanji-kun. Okay? You’re not at fault. Ussop worked on the cold store again yesterday. He said you can use it, the isolation won’t be as good as before but he’s done his best. And you went fishing with Zoro yesterday too! If you keep that spirit up, we will have something to eat again in no time! Luffy can look out for birds too! We will make it for sure. Therefore please cheer up, okay?” She gave him a gentle pat on his shoulder. Sanji took another deep inhale from his cigarette. “Yeah. We’ll make it…”, he replied quietly and got up. “But we need to stop the ship or we won’t be able to get off.”   
Nami looked up towards the man who now easily towered over her. She offered him the biggest smile she could muster.   
“But I want to do it before the idiots wake up. Luffy can’t dive and Zoro shouldn’t go again. His wounds are not healed and he can’t get back into the water, his blood will attract dangerous predacious fish.”   
Those words were very true, the navigator was aware of that, but holding Zoro back would be a task of impossibility. That man did whatever he wanted all the time and considering that none of them was cut out for resting properly, Zoro was probably the one who was most difficult to tame in this regard. 

The two turned their heads when the sound of water splashing and heavy chains rattling cut the early morning silence. Sanji smiled. “Speak of the devil. There he goes.” With a flick of his fingers the remnant of the cigarette was gone and he left Nami’s side to appear next to Zoro’s side.   
“Yo. Go back to sleep. I can handle things on my own.”   
“Hitting on Nami won’t get anything done, no matter how much time you invest in that”, Zoro spat back and walked towards the sail to lift it. Sanji helped him nonetheless. It was his aim to stop the ship from moving after all. The scold from Nami got unheard that next time they should lift the sails first and only then cast the anchor, but she went back to her cabin after that and left the boys on their own.   
Zoro pulled Sanji close as soon as they were alone. The cook looked up in confusion. “Oi, what’s that about?” But he leaned against the muscular body, not complaining too much since the day before he got surprisingly used to getting touched by that idiot swordsman. Zoro knocked him at the head with his fist with so much care that it felt more like a little girl had tried to hit him. Sanji lifted his eyes and tried to find a reason in Zoro’s action.   
“You’re worrying again. I thought I told you to let go.”   
The words sunk in slowly. Was Zoro worried? Was he mad because Sanji’s stress level was already rising again and soon going overboard? That might be it but he had no proof for it. Instead it was his turn to take action. He gently pushed against Zoro’s stomach. The green haired male gasped loudly.   
“You’re one to talk”, Sanji mocked him. “Cut the crap. Rather go and have some goddamn sleep, you’ll be in the way otherwise.”   
Zoro couldn’t trust his ears. “What?”, he asked in disbelief. Him? In the way? What kind of idiotic thoughts did that shitty cook have?  
“Your wound will get washed open and you’ll attract predators that I definitely don’t want around when I have to get back into those waters.” Zoro smacked him. “Like I can easily let you go down alone! Your focus is completely affected by the worries about us!”   
Just when Sanji wanted to fight back, he felt himself getting pulled into those arms again. 

From all people who could comfort him…   
From all people he would want to be comforted by…   
It was Zoro he leaned against now.   
Humiliating.   
But he kept leaning against him. Because the only one with enough insight was Zoro after all. And that man was capable of understanding human emotions better than their captain who defended the emotions of his crew with his life. Zoro was a man of trust. And Sanji gave in.   
A hand lifted to touch the strong waist and he inhaled the scent. What a harsh smell. It bit his nose, the smell of long cooled sweat. But the skin had another fragrance on it. If the sun had a certain smell, was that it? Was that what the sun smelled like? Nothing like the earth, nothing like the sea. It just smelled… warm. A bit sour maybe.   
A rough hand ended up being placed in the back of Sanji’s neck and the cook exhaled and gave up completely. He leaned against the swordsman. “Then make sure to be useful…”, the blond murmured. He did not want to let go but when Zoro loosened up and pulled away, the male did not fight it. Reason hit him. They could not do that out in the open, exposed to potential peeking of their crew members. Them getting close, it was something he did not want anybody else to see. It was his own private joy to get along with him. At least for as long as he did not know what to make of whatever they currently had. 

While Zoro stripped down Sanji watched him with interest. The bandage around the stomach was bloody and used. It would make no sense to change them now that the green haired was about to dive into the ocean, but letting him dive did not make any sense either. Nami probably knew what was going to happen anyway and had new bandages prepared already, but Sanji would not count on it either. That girl could be pretty cold when it came to their stupid behaviour.   
“Oi. Will you be fine?”, he asked quietly while glancing at the white fabric that fell inch by inch when the stronger man removed it from himself.   
“What kind of question is that, idiot? This is nothing.”   
“Yeah…”, Sanji pondered. This was nothing. He reached to touch it. “To you it probably is nothing.” He stopped himself though just a hair’s breadth away from where he could touch the deep red flesh. “When I first met you… I remember it clearly. You made me sick.”  
“Oh?” Zoro lifted an eyebrow and watched the lank hand reach for him. He did not budge, Zoro would have allowed it.   
“Yeah. Your guts hung from your stomach, the bleeding was a disgusting sight and the smell of death you emitted even ruined the fragrance seeping from the Baratie.” He closed the distance and pushed his fingers into the open wound. He could reach into Zoro’s stomach. Even deeper if he had wanted. Zoro bit the inside of his cheek but did not budge. Instead he waited for Sanji to continue talking. “I did not understand what’s so hard for you to let go of your ambitions in favour of your life. But you’re none to ever let go when you’ve set your mind.”   
Zoro laughed quietly and took Sanji’s hand. The cook looked up. “You remember my guts hanging from my stomach?” Sanji pulled at his captured hand. To no avail. “You remember the smell of blood when you asked me to let go of my ambitions?” Another pull. The blond did not like where this was going. The pulling got countered – into the exact opposite direction. Sanji felt his hand getting pushed into the wound. His fingers twitched. It was warm. It was wet. It was disgusting and smelled foul. He could hear Zoro gasp but he could also hear him talk. “You don’t remember anything that was important in that very moment it seems!” Sanji’s hand trembled. “The pain. The peace. The pride.” He let go and Sanji pulled out, his hand soaked in red. He looked at the other in disbelief and shock. “That time was about reaching my very ambition in life. What you remember to be negative and reckless is one of my proudest moments. Pain is nothing when you face your goals. No matter how big the difference. The moment you see your goal, reach for it. If you tell yourself “I’m not ready, I’ll try to reach it next time” you might never face it again for the rest of your life. Never make an excuse. Prepare yourself to always bear it, to always feel it, to always be ready to try and touch! Never hesitate and never falter, never let something get in your way. And if something stresses you as a result from a path from your life so far, take it as the experience that has formed you! And suck it all up, it is part of your identity now. Simply because you survived it.” Zoro slammed a flat palm against his huge scar along his stomach. Some blood spilled from it. “Don’t accept it to let it become a weak spot of you, because you survived it! It means that you were strong enough! It means that you have been ready to take the challenge! It means that you can take more than you thought you could! That’s what you should take from your experience! Not any gross pictures in your head! Take pride from it! Because you still live!”   
Sanji looked at his crew mate, then at the bloody hand. Then back up again.   
“I get it”, he replied calmly. “But did you have to pull my hand inside? It’s terribly gross, you know?” Sanji kneeled down and wiped the hand on the dirty bandages. Zoro watched him. “What’s the clean up for anyway? Hurry up and get your ass into the ocean.” With those words the swordsman was already gone into the waves. Sanji looked after him. So annoying. But Zoro was right.   
That man was right in many regards. Including the survival. Sanji had made it back then. No matter how much he had suffered, it was part of him now and that was the reason why he was so obsessed with getting everybody satiated. So instead of worrying about how to get their stomachs full he should just do it.   
He dropped the corded ladder and jumped into the water head first. 

\---

Later that day, the smell of fried fish seeped from the kitchen and slices of fish roasted in the pan. Sanji could not do much with it, but good seasoning already did a lot to high quality fish.   
Zoro was resting on deck, his body was newly patched up and his body clean from not only the little bath in the sea but also a shower he had taken in order to clean out the wound.   
The fish wasn’t fully used and Sanji had put it away. All of them would eat to their heart’s content today! Luffy would be surprised, the captain was still asleep. Nami had also went back for some more rest, only Ussop had known because he had been done with the nightly watch. 

Sanji hummed a soft tune while he prepared a huge serving on a plate. With it in hands he brought it to Zoro and touched the man’s cheek. Fast asleep. He set the plate next to him and left. That fish was their teamwork. He was definitely thankful. If Zoro had not motivated him like that, he would probably have held onto his bad feelings and would probably have not caught anything again.   
“Next thing I knew was that I had become your Nakama. The thought of it is as funny as it is bitter to believe. But bitter is a taste after all, so I might as well enjoy it thoroughly.”   
The green haired man was breathing evenly. Just when Sanji was about to turn away the voice from the other stopped him in his tracks. “What are you talking about, shitty cook? You don’t make sense.” Sanji turned. He stared into an halfway opened eye and smirked. “Oh, you’re awake. I did not think you were.”   
“That’s not the issue here, what have you been talking about?”   
Sanji patted him. “I was talking about you.”   
“Me? Bitter? Do you plan on cooking me?”   
“Nah, you’re probably already rotten to the bones. You’d poison everyone on board.”   
“Oi, watch your words!”   
“Take it as a compliment, Marimo. Bitter is a commonly disliked taste. But it can be surprisingly exquisite.” He leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. “Thank you for today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if it is good what I am writing? I wonder what people expected to read when they clicked my fic.  
> I want to let them do it soon. Will that ruin it? Thoughts in the comments would help.
> 
> My fever is going down. Lucky me
> 
> not beta read


	6. Wake the Princess with a Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another hunt goes wrong and Sanji's losing consciousness. Getting worked up about not being able to do anything to wake the other, he comes to realise that maybe the feelings he has are something entirely else than what you'd usually feel for a Nakama.   
> The only way to explore these emotions is to give it a mutual try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not beta read

They had not looked at each other for days.   
What had been meant to be a token of gratitude had gone strangely wrong. Not only was it still embarrassing for the both of them since it had never been planned that they’d eventually become intimate, it was especially hard on Zoro since he was emotionally more reserved than Sanji was. Usually handling it would take a form of ignoring the matter or talking it down to being nothing, yet that was not what the green haired seemed to want to do either.  
They had stopped talking to each other ever since. Nami was sure they have had a quarrel over Zoro stealing the rum Sanji had stored to flambéing food, she never mentioned it. 

They would have to face the situation eventually.   
Adapting to the changing situation was necessary the moment they had to get on hunting food again. Once more they went together, just this time the situation got critical in a different matter. Their chasing another predatory fish ended in Sanji getting slammed against the ship and the cook had lost consciousness. In greatest uproar Zoro had slaughtered the fish and had Luffy store it away while the girl on board had taken care of the massively bleeding wound on Sanji’s head. And before he was able to realise, Zoro had found himself keeping watch of the cook without ever leaving his side.   
The time had been quiet. They were left alone, Ussop kept the guard outside, naturally ruffling his feathers about that they were only safe because the great Captain Ussop scared all the fiends away!

The day became night, the Crew had gathered here and there, all looking at the unconscious blond, all hoping that he would wake up soon, but nothing happened. The lively atmosphere set with the sun, peaceful silence arose with the stars. And Zoro had never once taken his eyes off the cook. When the man was sure everybody was asleep he inched forward and took hold of the cold hand. Of course the man was still breathing, but it was a weaker breath than Zoro was comfortable with. He had not realised it, but the emotional bond between them had built up with their fighting, had found its strength in their washing dishes together and had taken unknown, yet intense form during their latest interactions and adventures with each other. It was not only living together on such a small space and getting each other’s way, it was more of a lifestyle that compared to having a close relationship.   
His thumb caressed the back of the blond’s hand. There was nothing to pray about. To Zoro, there was no god. He could only take whatever was reality. The durability of his friend was one of these things. Right now there was no chance but to trust into Sanji.   
The man sighed and let his head hang for a moment. Trust was so difficult when there was nothing to build it upon. If he would be the injured one, Zoro would have no problem estimating the damage and getting back onto his feet. But for Sanji, he had no idea how to feel what the man was capable of taking, capable of handling. It wasn’t dread that he felt, but rather insecurity. Moments of harmony popped up in his head when they had eaten together, when they had laughed together or when Sanji had kicked him out of the kitchen when Zoro had once again snitched something alcoholic. 

He exhaled strongly and looked back up. Time to get a grip. Sanji would not die here, it was too early. That guy had already proven that he was none to simply give up and bite the dust. The cook was not that weak. Actually he was far from it and that was what Zoro used to build new trust upon. But that that guy would not wake up at their attempts to reach him definitely was troublesome. A doctor was yet to find and that even Nami could not do more than to patch the head up irked him equally. First he had thought that a doctor was a good idea but no necessity on this ship, but right now he wished that he had not thought that way. 

Zoro set his swords aside and got up to reach out. First he checked the pulse at the neck. Even there Sanji was cold as ice, the heartbeat was slow and steady but not as strong as it used to be. His stare was blank when he took the pulse. 

“We could see if there’s truth to the fairy tale of the princess waking the prince with a kiss. …or was it the other way around?” His warm palm covered the cook’s cheek as he talked to him quietly. The sound of waves accompanied the tone of his voice, like usually. The sea made sure that there never was utter silence at all. It could be a comfortable thing, or deadful to the point where one would go insane.   
Zoro’s thumb traced the delicate skin, he could feel the stubble scratch the tip of his finger. Not even when they had kissed had the swordsman paid any attention to the hair growth in the other’s face. Curiously he touched his own face. It was smoother, Zoro liked to keep the hair in check since it had started to grow.   
“But if I have Nami kiss you, she’d freak out. You know, she’s not that kind. And you would probably complain about having a lady getting forced into doing things she does not like. Heh, must be hard on you idiot, to always get rejected and still manipulated by that monstrous woman. So, sorry, I cannot offer anything else.” His hand gently traced up and he touched the bandage, traced it once again with his fingertips and then he could already feel the soft hair fall between the stroking fingers, he could feel the tickling of the shorter strands of smooth texture and the clump where the blood had dried up. “But maybe there does not have to be a princess or a prince.” He leaned in and placed his lips on Sanji’s just for a brief moment. He held the position for about two seconds and then exhaled and pulled back. There was still no reaction. Zoro’s eyebrows twitched for a moment to change his features into those of a man in mental pain. He bit his lip.   
“Just finally wake up, asshole. You’re not the type to sleep so much. That’s my thing.”   
Still no reaction. He looked back at his swords, and forth to the passed out man. If there was a way to establish a connection between himself and the swords, maybe he could put enough concentration into it to create a similar way of silent communication with Sanji. Even this was worth a try. On the other hand, he told himself that he was overreacting, but he was already beyond the point of denying that he liked Sanji more than he would any other person. He pulled the blanket a tad to the side and got comfortable next to the flabby body. The pale hand was uncovered. Not a bad opportunity to inspect the body closer. To Zoro’s surprise, these hands were not as smooth as he had thought they would be. When he pulled the fingers away to get access to the palms, he instantly recognised calluses. They did not come from fighting, but being a cook seemed not to be such a soft work as he had always thought of it. For someone who never used his hands in a fight, the skin was surprisingly worn out. 

The swordsman took a glance at his own hand. Calluses were there of course, the skin was rough and partially ripped. Between his thumb and index fingers there was a scar coming from him putting the swords back into their sheaths after the fights were done. He wondered if anyone would ever pay as much attention to his hands as he did to his own and the cook’s right now.   
The focus went back to Sanji as he closed his fingers around the whole palm. He closed his eyes and tried to feel. He tried to feel the texture, tried to feel the pulse, looked for something of which he did not know the name or nature.   
His expression turned more strained as his search of the nameless got more intense. Also his hand closed around the palm even stronger and the wish from feeling something slowly turned into the need to sense something. To sense anything on a basis that went beyond physical reaction. He wanted to sense Sanji’s soul, wanted to experience something that just had to be there to get reached!   
The sounds of the sea got blocked out as the darkness beneath his eyelids let his whole world turn black and away from reality. Tranquillity engulfed his very person while he looked deeper into the world of nothingness in order to find a trace of Sanji there to get him back to this world. The efforts would not be in vain, he was sure of it!   
His second hand moved to pull the blanket further down and up the chest where it came to a halt to feel the heart beat, caged inside the prison of ribs and bones. Sanji’s soul was definitely to find somewhere deep inside. Everything that he would have to consider to do would be to focus exclusively. Then there should not be any problem at all. 

Zoro’s eyes ripped open instantly when the trance he was about to enter was disrupted by the barely noticeable twitch of the cook’s hand. Zoro eyed him intently, preferred to watch the nose more than the chest to observe the air enter and leave the weakened body before him. Sanji’s nostrils moved evenly, there was no sign of the blond waking up, but Zoro had felt it clearly. Sanji was clearly here. It had to be more than a simple natural muscle movement!   
His eyes went up to rest on the eyes. The hand from the chest quickly glided up without ever breaking contact with the skin and he leaned in to watch closely. Talking would probably be a good idea to try and call upon the consciousness.   
“Asshole”, was the first thing he decided to say. His hand roamed over the blond locks. Now that he had sharpened his senses, Zoro could still feel how damp the tips were from the wet cloth they had put onto the forehead. 

Sanji actually stirred. The first sound leaving the cook’s throat was a flat, cramped hummed exhale that compared to the sound he always made when he tried to keep quiet during masturbation. Zoro smirked at the thought, but did not comment it. This was not the situation for it. Instead Zoro let go and reached for the bucket with water to retrieve the piece of cloth. The water got squeezed out by the strong grip he had on it and lifted it to wipe Sanji’s forehead. “Ah, you’re awake. I did not think it would happen so soon.”   
Sanji slowly opened his eyes, his sigh expressed gratitude for the wet and cool thing in his face. He reached up to try and hold it by himself, but he met Zoro’s hand instead. “Oi… were you watching me sleep, perverted marimo?”   
The rag got pulled down and into Sanji’s face. The blond immediately pushed it off and threw it towards where he thought Zoro would sit. But the motion got stopped midway when Zoro had taken hold of both of Sanji’s wrists and he leaned in to press him back down. “Now now, take it easy. How are you feeling?”   
“Ah…” He sighed. “I need a cigarette…”   
“I can have the rum in the kitchen and I get you these smelly things.”   
“Hands off my cooking supplies, you damn guzzler. We’re not negotiating.” When Sanji tried to rise up from the bed once again, the hand kept pressing him down persistently. “You’re still not recovered. How are you feeling? Dizzy? Anything?”   
When Sanji shook his head, Zoro could feel his own muscles relax quickly. It helped a lot that he knew now that things were not as bad as they had seemed at first. The greatest weakness were most likely a result of the blood loss Sanji had experienced. That Sanji confirmed that there was no such thing as vertigo, daze, drowsiness or numbness was a good thing to begin with. His hand ran up the arm and caused goose bumps to form on the pale skin. Sanji shivered and relaxed back into the mattress. “Wow. You know how to touch gentle too. You look far too muscle packed as to be capable of this.”   
“Wanna pick a fight, crappy cook?”   
“Mh… Nah… not at all. It’s nice once in a while I guess.” His eyes locked with Zoro’s. “Life’s already tough enough. It’s taken an obvious toll on you. I just always thought that you don’t have a soft side anymore.”   
“Only you can make that sound so girly.” He let go and gently pulled the damp cloth from the weak man’s hand so he could dive it back into the water bucket to get it cold again. When he turned back, Sanji was still looking at him. Zoro hesitated. “Something the matter? Did you hit your head too hard after all?”   
“Go to hell” was all Sanji replied to that with a still unusually quiet voice. The cloth rag was taken and Sanji adjusted it on his own to let it rest on his forehead. While enjoying the cool sensation he lifted his hand to the back of his head where the throbbing pain originated. Some blood stuck to his fingertips. He looked at it for several seconds before murmuring “Oi, marimo. Get over here.”  
Curious as to what might be up, the green haired man actually leaned in. Sanji reached up and smeared the blood along the rough lips. Zoro kept absolutely still and let the blond do as he pleased patiently. For Sanji it was a strange thing to do, but it felt even stranger that the swordsman did not pull back or fight it. On the contrary, Zoro did not only stay still, when the cook was done Zoro even licked his own lips to remove the blood from there as if it was some tasty sauce.   
“You satisfied now? What’s that about, shit cook?”   
“Mh. Nothing. I just wanted to see it in your face”, the blond contemplated quietly. The still stretched out hand moved to touch the lips once again and Zoro took hold of it, flicked out his tongue and got it off the fingers sloppily as well. Sanji still watched. Was he awestruck? He could not point his finger on it, but that had done something to him. His insides felt itchy when the tongue had come out to touch him. So he gave another push and entered the mouth that was so willing to clean. All Zoro did was to open up more, was to accept the actions without questioning them and he bit down in a teasing manner. The smirk he returned revealed that he was willing to go with the flow of how things developed. They were exploring each other, testing boundaries, testing the atmosphere as well. But not fighting anything did not mean that Zoro would give up control. Just their curiosity was two sided. Zoro reciprocated the will to explore. 

When Sanji tried to lean up once more, the action got cut short quickly. The strict look on Zoro’s face utterly forbid any rash moves. Or better, any moves at all. It spoke for itself, there was no need for any of them to put it into words.   
The hand slowly retreated and Zoro watched a string of spit rip at the fast removal. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “So… here we are again, doing awkward things. Will we avoid each other again now? Or shall we take this to another level?”   
“Are you flirting with me? Now that’s creepy.”   
“Shut your trap, asshole. It’s stating things the way they are. No denial that we’re both caught up in something fucking weird.”   
“Seriously, I want my cigarettes.”   
“There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.”  
“I have to work for them.”   
“Yeah. Keep still.” Zoro leaned in to pull him up carefully.   
“What’s that supposed to be. I thought I have to lie down.”   
“Gotta change the bandages. Yours are soaked. Can you stay like that or are you getting sick?”   
“No problem at all.”   
Zoro carefully removed the bandages and put them down on the floor. The blood wet his hands and he could feel even his massively used fingers crumple up at the wetness of the liquid. He remembered how Sanji had told him about the memory of Zoro having almost died of his guts hanging out after the cut done by Mihawk. Pride and ambition. These things really could cover the sight for the will to live. In moments like these, ambition was the greatest enemy of his life since it blinded his will to live and only let his will to succeed take over. When someone was willing to die for the achievement of their dreams… Zoro wondered if Sanji was the same. Would that man die in order to see All Blue? Was diving to hunt in East Blue only the beginning? Would they jump into the waters of North Blue, South Blue, West Blue, the Grand Line and eventually, would they jump into the waters of All Blue together at some point and enjoy the view of the greatest variety of living sea creatures together? Would they be able to create a meal together? With Sanji picking a fish and with Zoro killing it with one soft strike of his sword when the title of the world’s greatest swordsman would long be Roronoa Zoro’s? 

The man shook off the thoughts by mentally shoving the clouds of doubt from his mind. He grabbed the fresh bandages from where Nami had set them and then put them back down. Sanji watched him curiously as the stronger male took the cloth once more and gently pulled Sanji’s head to his chest. The blond could not deny that this position was quite enjoyable. It made him feel secure in those strong arms.   
Just because wounds were part of their daily life now and because broken bones and shattered body parts were something he had already experienced, it did not mean that it got easier to handle any of these things. Having been through worse did not mean that it stopped hurting.   
Arms went up to hold onto Zoro. The cook inhaled deeply and clung to the other when the cool wetness started tapping the wound on the head to clean the worst off. He did not wince, nor did he make a sound in order to seem stronger than he felt. But he had the feeling that Zoro was well aware of the pain the man was in. And Sanji appreciated that there were no low comments on it. 

When the bandage was changed, Sanji was reluctant to let go. He did not move after he felt that they were done until the other had poked him gently. However letting this opportunity slip was out of the question. Sanji grabbed Zoro’s chin and he forced him to look at him. Without further resistance Zoro complied. They leaned in at the same time, the feeling mutual. Both of their lips parted in their own accord. And both men jumped slightly when their tongues touched for the very first time. Sanji had tried to get back just a little bit, but was stopped. This was it and they would go through with it now. No escapes. No turning back. It was simple going with the flow. Whatever happened happened. They would not promise to stay by each other’s side forever. They knew better than to cling onto romance and illusions. Each of them could die at any occasion and broken hearts were more than inconvenient during adventures. There was no room for jealousy. No time for getting tangled up in emotional issues and complications. They’d just have each other while it would last. And when their ways would part, they would part. That was what Zoro told himself. It would be that easy. They were still free. 

Sanji felt his blood rush through his veins fast, felt his heart throb in his chest as well as in his head. It hurt and pain was an ugly companion in this nerve wrecking, yet so relaxing moment. He let himself go slowly, relaxed and sank back down while Zoro followed willingly. He could feel it clearly, how they lost their cool, how both their breaths got short and excited. Zoro was a horrible kisser. Tender but so sloppy it felt like getting slobbered up by a drooling horse. But what should he complain about? Sanji himself had had enough practice, he had had hook ups that were too many to count. Probably every person was a bad kisser at the start. And Zoro did not seem like the type to sleep around out of moods. Actually it was the opposite. To Sanji, Zoro seemed like the person to wait for the right one to appear and to be a loyal servant ‘til time would stop. And yet here they were, wasting their time, wasting their energy, wasting their life in each other’s arms, ready to explore and ready to riot away their days in a bed with a pillow smeared with blood. 

Now had never lost its meaning so fast in Sanji’s life.   
Time had ceased to exist and space was an illusion made up by dreaming scientists. The world became a small room and ambitions turned into a black spot in the back of covered minds. Both men forgot to care, stopped to care. Sanji lifted a leg and put it around the hip of the warrior above him. The growing need in his pants started to be in his way as he tried to push up. The result was a strangled moan caused by the excruciating pain shooting from his back into all directions of his limps and also from his ribs that were still broken from their fight at the Baratie. He fell from the other’s lips and into the bed. His breath was short and ragged and he tried to control it so desperately that it only got worse. He rammed his fingernails into Zoro’s arms and even though he faced up, the suffering expression with the tightly shut eyes told their own story and Zoro understood very well.   
The swordsman reached down to caress the cheek. “I know… it hurts like hell is breaking from your very insides and rips you apart with burning lances from the inside out…”   
Sanji nodded and tried to avoid getting looked at, but Zoro gently held him on place. “I know… That just because we try to cover it up, it does not mean that it does not hurt…”He crawled down from him and laid down beside him and held him close. “If it’s just me, it’s alright to admit it. I don’t judge for I know the pain very well… Even now. Being sewn back together and having my guts shoved back up into me… When it’s a miracle that I’m still alive… I know the pain. I’ll understand if you say that it hurts…” 

Sanji clawed into the muscular arms, exhaled fiercely and then nodded. Goose bumps once again spread over his skin when fingers traced him along the side and up to his arms. A sigh escaped the blond as he could feel himself relax.   
But then he looked up at the shifting weight. Next thing he saw was the back of a man who was about to leave.   
“Fine man you are. Riling me up and then getting cold feet? Can’t do it with a man after all?”   
“I don’t care about things such as man or woman. But I can’t keep going when it’s inflicting more harm than good.” Zoro adjusted his clothes and turned. “You’ll get your damn cigarettes. But I’ll take the booze.”   
“No stealing of my kitchen supplies, shitty muscle idiot!”   
“Too bad you can’t come after me, princess.” Then the door was shut. Sanji looked after him. The waves were the only sound left in the small cabin with the only real bed on board.   
“…Princess?”, Sanji asked confused. 

The only thing left to do now was waiting for his tobacco to appear to cover the damned taste of the salty air of the sea. Yet he had to admit, kissing that fucking boozer wasn’t half as bad either. 

It tasted bitter.   
It was exquisite.


	7. Gentle recklessness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (contains sexual content)  
> Without a doubt it is reckless to take advantage of a wounded man. However Sanji never fought it. When going with the flow of the situation included handing himself over and letting his body talk rather than his mouth, their communication becomes flawless and pure.

He was alone when Sanji lit his highly coveted cigarette.  
The room was dark and the ship rocked with the waves almost in tune with his breath. Sanji thought about it as a relaxing situation. The glim of burning tobacco was the only thing that was rudimentarily bright within the night’s fine wrap of deeply black gloom.  
The way he could feel his lungs expand at the far reaching inhale drove calm into his whole system. The crave for his desire got quenched successfully and allowed him to slowly get down to his senses. Memories of the situation only moments before struck him and the point of view changed drastically as he now had the chance to give it a clear thought.  
The blond rolled over to look for something to dab the ashes onto, but grunted at the piercing pain coming from his ribs. He definitely should not move too much, the injuries were still rather fresh and that the bones were still broken from the fight at the Baratie had never left his awareness. To have stopped before had been a wiser decision than he liked to admit, especially because it had been that piece of shit Marimo head who had had insisted on stopping. No good came from this man, so why would he be insightful enough to stop on his own?  
Sanji rolled back on his stomach and leaned up slowly. He wanted to draw another inhale from the cigarette, but it would cause the ashes to fall on the blanket. With a sigh he let his feet fall down from the matrass and naked feet touched the wooden floor. The left one touched something soft. Unbearable throbbing fogged his mind for a moment before it faded away again after mere seconds. The wound on his head was pretty restricting as well. Thinking straight turned out to be a difficult thing with a bruise that felt as bad as a shattered bone. Sanji was not even sure if this skull was fully intact, he had hit the ship in a really inconvenient position, so much was clear.  
When his vision had cleared up again he could make out the used bandages on the floor. They would throw them away anyway, so he would just use them for now. His foot was used to shove them closer and with an effortless reach Sanji could grab them and put them on the tiny shelf beside him. Time to dab off the excessive ashes. When he had gotten comfortable again Sanji brought it up to his lips and took another deep breath of it. His ribs throbbed every time he expanded his chest but that was something he could bear with. It was better than to give up his most favourite habit. 

When his eyes drifted from the roof towards the scuttle, he could easily make out Zoro’s shadow. That bastard. He had taken the bottle after all. Ah, it would be nice to have him in here again. Having company in a condition like this was not so bad, especially after they had gotten closer so quickly. Things had developed within only a few days. How long exactly? Sanji had lost track of it but time was irrelevant anyway. As long as they had a good time, enough food and sense of direction, what did it matter how many days passed? All of them were enjoying life to their fullest and none of them would want it any other way.  
Sanji watched the silhouette outside, as the shadow put the bottle to his lips and drank. What a horrible thing to do. How could Zoro even sense things clearly during fights so far? Wasn’t alcohol reducing brain cells? He’d have to remember that, next time that asshole would get lost, Sanji would definitely throw that at that green head of his.  
Another sigh. Zoro and having a sense for the atmosphere? Probably not… Otherwise that guy would know that Sanji felt lonely inside the cabin. Sanji reached for his pack of cigarettes again. He’d need another one. If the night would go on like this it would definitely be a long night. Right when it was lit he could hear the door open and Zoro went back in. Bottle in one hand, oil lantern in the other. The light of fire flattered the contours. The frame before him seemed to melt together with the darkness surrounding him, but the places that were actually enlightened were oh so clearly muscular and well developed. A delicious dish for his eyes. Sanji could imagine the taste by looking at him alone.  
“Oi”, he greeted him calmly. “You’re back rather quickly. Did you forget something?”  
The newly entered man put the lamp onto its hook and sat down beneath it. The fire’s brightness reached them moderately, but the colours were all distorted by the reddish-orange hue it gave. The constant flickering engulfed the atmosphere in a mysterious manner.  
When there was no answer Sanji just inhaled another time and then put his arm down to get rid of the burnt excess again. His breath was halted so he could enjoy the effect a little longer and his damaged body rebelled and expressed it by dizziness.  
When Sanji exhaled again, he felt like floating. His arm lowered and he stubbed out the only halfway burned tobacco stick onto the damp bandages. What a good feeling. Once in a while he could be reckless with himself too. It did not matter if Zoro saw it. Zoro understood. Sanji knew so much about him. 

The blond felt his cold hand being taken and the eyes he hadn’t realised he had closed, opened up again to look at him lazily. No words were spoken but the eye contact they had was intense enough to fill whole pages of a book.  
Sanji was the first to blink. He was also the first to smirk and to look away. Ridiculous. Of course Zoro would not say a word, but the way he disapproved was so obvious, it almost physical. This pressure coming from these eyes above him, this expectation that strained and tensed Sanji’s patience. His second hand reached to cover his own eyes so he would not accidentally reciprocate that look again.  
“It hurts… so damn much…” 

The hand enveloping his own got softer and he could feel Zoro’s thumb stroke his hand. There it was again, that rough feeling of skin meeting skin that made him feel excited. Getting going about something so simple, it was humiliating how well it worked. But his physical needs grew and Zoro was absolutely convenient.  
While his eyes were still covered, breath suddenly appeared before his lips. Sanji could smell the stinging stench of rum that had been stored away for the purpose of cooking only. It had been a good brand, he could smell the flavour and the exquisite traits of it even in Zoro’s breath. The cook licked his lips unconsciously. He was expecting a kiss. Instead his whole body jerked up in surprise when the breath suddenly hit his ear and shot goose bumps along with nerve wrecking excitement through his veins. The pain caused by the tension intensified the feeling of shock and left the blond breathless for a moment.  
Zoro spoke. Directly into his ear. The deep voice was something entirely else when it was used so careful, when it sounded almost erotic, ringing in his head and removing complete awareness of any other sounds in existence. “Baka” was the first word that reached his brain after that shock of quiet breath. Then he smirked. “It means that you’re alive.” 

With his body still alerted like that it was hard to respond to such a philosophical statement. Booze might damage brain cells, but maybe it killed off the right ones when Zoro could become such a sensitive man when having a raised level of alcohol in his blood.  
No doubt that it had been done on purpose, but neither of them commented on it. It was enough that both knew. 

Sanji put his hand into Zoro’s nape and just held onto it. No reason whatsoever. They were getting used to it after all – going with the flow that is. A quiet gasping whimper got coaxed out of Sanji’s tightened neck when a tongue touched the shell of his ear and it was as disgusting as it was exhilarating! To feel this disgusting wetness, to hear these lewd sounds! But it set his body on fire and it felt so good! Only half aware of the rest around him he could feel a flat palm being put on his hip. The urge grew, it made him shiver! Just one move would be enough to brush his longing parts into this warm hand! But his pride would not allow him to give in so easily. The situation was already developing horribly enough as he could feel his nipples stiffen by such simple tasks done to him and to have his voice change so drastically by mere talk! Embarrassment seemed to swallow him up and he wished the ground would open up beneath him and let him disappear just so he would not have to face this humiliating loss of control.  
The cook grit his teeth so he would not let out another strange sound but felt like choking the palm actually brushed only the side of his private parts. His body convulsed at the feather light touch and stinging pain spread within his chest almost like a curse. It was embedded in these thrilling feelings neatly and merged into something that was by far unpleasant.  
When his lips parted slightly he caught himself huffing short gasps of air and only then he realised just how fast his heart was beating. Why did Zoro know so well how to handle him? It was absurd to even think that the Marimo could have collected any experience somewhere before. That could not be the case, there was no way. There was absolutely no way. No way at all. He continued to repeat these words in his head as to distract himself, but another tremor threw him off track when the same hot hand that had just lightly grazed him before had its fingers dipped beneath the underwear’s elastic band. Half an inch or so, not enough to be invasive yet, still sufficient as to make a point that the line was about to get crossed.  
Sanji let it happen. He just lay before him, body mostly uncovered, from the waist up exposed to air and sight that it made it difficult for Zoro to not go way too fast. 

For Zoro, listening to Sanji’s body was important. He had a hard time sensing the needs coming from it. Interpreting it right when feeling way too easy with everything thanks to the strong alcohol was even more difficult and a task that was best not done sloppily.  
His fingers pressed down to the skin beneath the waistband, they dipped into the junction between the hips and legs. Zoro could feel the hipbone frame Sanji’s shape. He twisted his hand slightly and let the nail of his thumb graze along the thin skin covering the bone and another twitch of the igneous flesh told him that it had been a good decision. The face of the cook seemed somewhat suffering, but not in a way that rejected what they did. Should he do something Sanji would not like, the blond would definitely fight. Sanji was not in such a bad shape as to not complain. But not such complain ever came. Instead the muscles beneath his palms seemed to be extraordinarily willing to slacken off.  
Without a sound Zoro let his tongue flick out to wet his lips. His expression had been a poker face all the time. He was focused on feeling what the body told him. All responses were so good. Sanji was so good. Willing for pleasure, open for adventure, accepting unbound exploration. 

Honestly, Zoro had no idea what to make of it, but he liked it. His position was superior and he got to know another human in a way he had never before. Through his hands he could feel vibes coming from the hot skin, no, rather coming from deep within. As if the whole body was communicating with him through actions only. And Zoro was willing to listen. 

Meanwhile Sanji had become a trembling mess. Sweat caused his skin to feel cool on the upper side but also to feel drenched on the back where it was connected to the soft sheets. His eyes were still closed and he could only concentrate on the gradually ensuing actions that were slowly taking away all of his common sense.  
An inhaled gasp for air expressed the shock he felt when once more voice penetrated his ear. Dark and tender. Dripping with perverse confidence. Sanji hated it. He detested it! A simple hum had made his body jump and his hands to cramp and claw into the sheets as if he’d have to hold onto something for dear life!  
His breath was ragged and his mind long fading, still not blank but that was yet an inevitable event.  
His chest was raising and falling quickly and words were a lost attempt to form for all that left him were quiet voiced gasps escaping with air from his lungs. It hurt. It hurt so good it was driving him crazy! It hurt so horribly that it was confusing him to the brink of his sanity. How such feelings could match so sweetly, yet so tremendously. It was far worse than a dream. Only reality could mix occurrences in such a mind blowing way. Only reality could be this cruel as to reach limits of a human to make him want to faint just to escape sensations that were new and thrilling and tingling and to be felt from head to toe without exception. 

His hips already moved involuntarily and the feeling of the rough hand trying to force him down was even more intoxicating. Zoro felt a rush of arrogance. Sanji was at his mercy.  
Not that he would ever abuse it, but the fact that he _could_ was sufficient to get high about.  
Hardly did he use more force as the hips had to still under the pressure of Zoro’s weight being put upon the hipbone. The fight of the blond to receive friction could still be felt through the strength the swordsman had to use, but it was alright. It was part of the game they played. A game that had gained excitatory momentum. 

Zoro put his second palm that until now had only supported his weight on the matrass onto Sanji’s ribcage – the side that had not as many broken ribs as the other. He did not use any pressure. But the gentle writhing of the probably already senseless cook could easily be felt. The way the breath was short, the bones moving with every try to push up, the ribcage expanding and deflating. Even without putting pressure on it, Zoro could feel it all. He could see it all. The wet sheen in the fire’s light, the stiff and erect nipples throwing shadows onto the chest, every muscle showing from the tension built within the cook’s body.  
It was an honest conversation they had. No lies were told, no truth was hidden. Sanji had handed himself completely over right now. And Zoro accepted it. He honoured it like a sacred sacrifice. 

The man leaned in to kiss Sanji’s throat. The blond had his head rolled back and neck thereby fully exposed so gaining access was easy. He could feel stubble scratching his lips when he leapt onto thin skin there to suck some of it into his mouth to bite it in a teasing way.  
Finally another voiced sounds were unleashed and Sanji’s toes curled. The situation started to take its toll on Sanji’s body. He began to suffer from the short breathing and the pain slowly began to take over pleasure. The way the tension changed was what disclosed these very facts to the swordsman as he tried to get more secrets out. This would have to end soon or it would once more do more harm than good. 

Zoro let go of the skin and shifted just a little bit to reach Sanji’s mouth. A gentle touch from lips to lips was Zoro’s way of showing gratitude that Sanji had endured this for so long. The hand on his hip dipped deeper and Zoro was strangely surprised by the sweat that had collected there by now. It felt unsettling when he avoided the hardness stretching and straining the underwear’s fabric only to gave the enormously tightened balls a gentle touch with his fingertips. It hardly even resembled a stroke when at the same time his lips had moved to kiss the temple of the blond and then to the back of the same blond’s ear to give it an equally tender kiss there. 

Sanji inhaled noisily and felt his whole body tense. Time had stopped when his eyes ripped open. As if his heart had stopped beating and the world was about to fall away.  
That very moment Sanji was sure that he was about to die from all what had gotten pent up. 

Then the relieving voice.  
“Come.”  
One word.  
Quiet.  
Gentle. 

Unleashing. 

Another heartbeat lifted the curse of stopped time and Sanji's conscience faded into white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions would be nice <3


	8. From the Worlds of Blue and Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Depending on the situation, the next morning can be a curse or a bless.   
> When Sanji wakes up, breathing feels like impalement and moving is beyond imagination. The stress put on his body last night seems to have been too much for the injured cook to take, now he's left immobile and breathless. When he feels that his energy is about to get used up, he cannot even talk to say goodbye. All he can do is make peace with himself and accept the guiding hand that wants to take him to the next world.

Morning.   
What other name could a curse carry? 

Sanji tried to move but a sharp piercing sting around the area of his ribs denied any move and his head refused to serve him to think properly. He did not even feel his own limbs as he tried to budge one. And even breathing felt like his very lung got impaled by fragments of shattered bones. Leaning up was impossible, let alone roll over.   
Everything throbbed horribly and he had no idea why. In a situation like this he did not even want to know. There was only thing of utter importance to him right now. Successfully getting up so he could prove himself that everything was fine. Succumbing to the physical suffering was no option for Sanji for it would make him feel pathetic. He was able to stand more than that! He was a strong man! He could handle things like these! He could handle them alright! …right? 

When his next attempt to get up with more determination failed, he let out an excruciating cry of agony. The moment the muscles had tensed to operate the heavy limbs, Sanji lost all will to even try anymore. This was too much! 

All the shipmates had gathered around the cook right away to check on him. Of course Zoro was there as well, but from everyone present in this room, he was the only one with a feeling of guilt. He had overdone it the day before. Clearly.   
A cold feeling of dread collected in his stomach. 

When Nami had pulled off the blanket to check on the chest and waist, a huge dark bruise was visible, spread all over the hurt area. The moment Zoro laid eyes on it, he stared at it with wide eyes. Was this his doing because he had put the fragile wounded body under too much pressure? How should he have known such consequences? If this was the result from what they had been doing, then he could not forgive himself.   
However instead of getting caught up in blaming himself, he’d rather find a solution to treat this severe condition as best as they all could. He’d have to think smart right now. …if only thinking smart wouldn’t be so horrendously difficult!

Sanji’s face was covered in cold sweat and in all honesty, even though he did not say it out loud, he was scared to lose his life. Whatever pain this was, it was far worse than what he had ever felt during all these past fights. Probably because there was no adrenaline to suppress the worst of it.   
Now he was bound to bed, helpless and completely alone with his fears. It was all in his head and he had no idea how to put any of it into words. Beside he doubted that he should put it into words, since unsettling his Nakama was a thing he shouldn’t do frivolously. 

Nami, Ussop and Luffy had talked in the meantime. The atmosphere was dense with panic.  
After the introductions were done, everyone hurried out immediately to desperately look for the next island to get Sanji to a doctor. Only Zoro stayed behind to look at the pathetic lump of pale meat halfway covered by white sheets in a bed that reeked of sweat and blood.   
Sanji did not look good at all. His eyes were unfocused and by the mere looks of it, the cook was about to run a fever too. Someone would have to be there to constantly check on him and to eventually cool him down. And Zoro didn’t want it to be anyone else than him. 

He put his hand onto Sanji’s to grasp it gently and looked at him. “You better make it. We’ll be seeing a doctor for you in a bit. Just… make it.” He gave Sanji an encouraging, yet unusually reluctant hit on the upper arm. Afterwards he grabbed the sheets and covered the blond man again to he would not freeze. While doing so he already heard Nami’s impatient bark for Zoro’s help.

 

Following the girl’s orders he left the cabin to help set the sails right. Apparently there was a small archipelago close by. Nami had instructed them to set course to it immediately.   
During the conduct of updating their route everyone was quiet. None of their usual optimistic adventurous boasts, no smile, no jokes. Not even from Luffy. 

As soon as their ship headed the right way, Zoro went back down with a bowl of fresh water and a new cloth. Sanji seemed to be asleep, but his breathing was weak. Furthermore, Zoro’s medical knowledge were virtually zero, so he had no idea how to handle something beyond an external wound. This looked more like internal bleeding. What was to be done in a situation like this?   
He watched the cook for a while and hoped that he would wake up on his own accord and announce that he was better, but that was too unrealistic to even think about it. But true hope would only die with Sanji. 

Nami appeared below deck and quietly asked Zoro to get into the crow’s nest to keep an eye on the weather and for approaching land. Also constant checks on their surroundings would be necessary. With a crew mate in such a condition, they knew that they hadn’t to encounter any enemies whatsoever. They were low on time. 

While on their way to the archipelago, Zoro really had gone up into the crow’s nest to carry out his duties.   
In the meantime Nami checked the maps she had found for the close by archipelago. The first city was marked upcountry at a river. From where they would land, she would have to be able to guide the way to the city without fail. And there was still the question if they had to escort Sanji from the seaside with a handmade stretcher, or if the river was wide and especially deep enough for them to enter so they could land directly at the city.   
She would have to ask Ussop to build a stretcher, just in case the river was too shallow for the Going Merry to enter. 

Ussop tried to cook while Luffy was bound to take care of Sanji. Even Luffy was silent when facing the serious condition his cook was in. He was not making any unnecessary noise for Sanji seemed to be very sensitive to anything loud right now. His work of changing the cloth to cool Sanji down even if it was just a tad was also frequent and consequent. 

The only thing all of them wanted was that their Nakama would survive this hell. When things started like this only close to the Grand Line, just how horrendous would the actual Grand Line be?

 

Ussop’s food was alright. Edible at best. But no one had any appetite whatsoever.   
Silence intensified the tense air surrounding everyone, each clattering sound of silverware meeting plates set them on edge. 

The makeshift stretcher was set next to the bed already.

Ussop had asked to lower their flag so they would not be rejected, but that request got plain ignored. In the end there was no helping it, their sail proudly showed their mark as well. 

Zoro had not even come to the table. He’d eat later. Looking out for the land had upper priority. Looking out for whatever obstacle that might happen, it was all so much more important than grossly patched together food.   
The swordsman stared into the distance. The cry of a seagull let him perk up. On deck, Nami cried out happily and Zoro wondered just what he had missed. His eyes darted around. Only blue sea and blue sky so far. Blue East Blue.   
Ussop popped up from the ladder and pressed a telescope into Zoro’s hand. “Nami said, Seagulls only appear close to coasts! We have to be there soon!”   
Zoro looked at him sceptically and took it from him. Why did Ussop even have it? Wasn’t the person on the watch obligated to have it with them? …oh. That was him. He had forgotten it. 

He leaned against the edge of the nest and had a look around. There. There! He could see it! The archipelago!   
A closer look served to make out the old harbour. But that would suffice. He took it down and leaned over to have a look at the crew on deck. “It’s there. We’re on the right track. The harbour’s in sight too.”   
“What’s the water like, Zoro? Can you see if it’s shallow? Can you see a river outlet?” Nami seemed excited, though her voice still held that tone of worry. Which Zoro could understand. He didn’t let it show, neither on his face, nor in his voice, but everyone could tell. He was restless and all tensed up. Similar to the situation of a fight when everything within his body began to itch and burn with the need of taking action! Only this time, the way of taking action was to get the shit cook out of their damned ship cage so he could get them to a fucking doctor fucking soon! 

The man took a look around. No other ships. No people at the harbour. The sky was still blue in all directions, occasional clouds not building a threat whatsoever.   
The water looked deep so far. He studied the surface in silence.   
“Oi, Zoro!”, Nami yelled. She needed to know! 

Zoro stayed quiet. Was it his imagination? There might be rocks showing close to the harbour. The river had high shores too, entering this channel was probably risky for their ship.   
Continuous barking from their navigator caused him to whisper quiet curses on her while he tried to make out any more details. Judging from the looks, they’d run aground should they dare to enter.   
He looked down. “From here on there seems to be a riser. It’s deeper to the right, we should curve around.” 

Nami looked at him with a determined look. She ran up the stairs to get an overview. “Can we go a little farther?”   
“Not much.” He set the telescope aside and came down with a jump, only to get ready for Nami’s orders. The girl had went to the front in the meantime to check the situation and then ordered them to turn starboard. With that they lost some momentum because the wind did not get caught up in the sails as well as before thanks to their 40 degree turn, but it was better than nothing. They had a good speed still and from where she stood, she could now see the rocks lurking in the water as silent defenders of the archipelago. Usually small places like these were surrounded by rocks and reefs. It was no surprise at all that they had to avoid something like that. 

After taking the great curve they changed for portside again. When they reached the harbour, the first thing Nami recognised was that the landing stages were not only two, but also that they were built in a strange angle. Not in a typical square angle, but rather skewed so the ships could easily dock from the side, the exact angle where they were coming from. Someone must have thought this through. Good for them! 

When Zoro dropped the anchor, he had a good view at the water. The reef was beautiful and clearly visible through the surface. Dark rocks covered the ground, but on them he could see the most stunning thing he had ever seen. Brightest colours of all kinds, fish moving around freely, sea turtles, corals, anemones, huge and small fish, clams, little caves and lots of spaces, swarm of fish glistening in the sun like fragile moving silver slivers. A lonesome jellyfish ashore of a rock, probably already dead and for the seagulls yet to get.   
A look up revealed a whole other kind of spectacle. Countless seagulls of an enormous size, another swarm of birds so blue he was willing to mistake them for flying ice.   
When Zoro looked back down to admire the rich life once more he could think only one single thing. 

_“Sanji would love this.”_

A loud smack made him turn his head. The plank was out and everyone prepared to disembark.   
The path was clear. 

While Ussop waited for everyone on the landing stage, Luffy and Zoro were ordered to carry the stretcher with Sanji.   
Back below deck Nami had lifted the stretcher up and onto the matrass. The remaining men were supposed to lift the weak body onto it and then carry Sanji to town. 

Even though Sanji seemed to be asleep their moving him just slightly caused the man to cry out so bitterly that it hurt just from listening. Nami bit her lip. This sound… a voice she only knew to be full of joy when he served them – especially her – snacks and tea, food or sweets… to be filled with so much pain. 

She slapped both palms onto her cheeks to remind her of one thing. As long as Sanji cried it meant that he was still alive with so much energy to voice his pain! Everything beyond that would be fatal at this point, so she told her to be happy about it. 

When they reached the sunlight, Sanji only moaned weakly. It stung in his eyes, but turning his head away would not work. 

“Oi… Nami. Take the scarf from my arm”, he swordsman growled with an annoyed voice. He couldn’t see this guy suffer from something as simple as that. Whatever they could do to lighten the burden on Sanji, they should do it. But Nami did not get it. She looked up confused.   
“Huh? Why would I do that?”, she asked surprised.   
Zoro looked down on Sanji. “To cover his eyes”, was his simple answer. But it came out in such a gentle way that all of them shot an awkward look at the tough man. When he felt all these stares he looked around flustered. A slight blush formed on his cheeks and he felt the humiliation consume him. “Don’t look at me like that, you assholes! Just do it!” 

While following the earthy path, Nami walked up beside Zoro to gently unbind the dark scarf from the muscular arm. Zoro definitely had well built muscles. Now that she had a closer look at it, it really was impressive. It was so hard to believe that strong men could use such a brute strength with determination in order to protect others. When she remembered Arlong and his crew, there had been many strong and muscular people, but none of them had ever considered using their powers to do something good. Only these people around her… They had shown her that men could have good hearts as well. That strong men weren’t automatically rude, misbehaved and abusive. 

With the fabric in her hand she slowed down to let the stretcher catch up a bit and she was on the same level with Sanji.   
With a quiet voice she told him that she was about to cover his eyes so the light would not blend him anymore. It was acknowledged with nothing more than a hum. And then the stinging red from the light on his eyelids darkened until his world was all black. 

With the world blocked out like this, Sanji began to worry again. He didn’t know where they were, why they were on solid ground for the next island was supposed to be more days away, but if it meant that this was a way to the solution of his problems he would not object.

However, even if there was no solution in sight, the numbness of his limbs and the slow procession of his thoughts let him prepare. He wouldn’t make it much longer. The pain had reached out from its origin and tore its fangs everywhere his body was still able to comprehend sensory stimulus.   
Since he could not do anything against it, he was all silent. Moving was impossible, breathing was nearly impossible, let alone gathering the concentration to talk.   
He pitied the others. 

_You will know when your end is near. You can evaluate what you can and what you can’t take. You can prepare yourself. When your time has come to part from your body, you will know and you will be able to make peace with yourself. You can leave all regrets behind._

_A crew mate of Luffy should honour him by leaving this world with a big fat smile. Just so he can be proud of us. … I should smile. I was part of the crew of the next king of pirates after all._

Cold from his fingertips and toes closed in. At the same time he could feel the pain finally ease up a little. 

He pitied his Nakama.   
They didn’t have the same time to prepare and to say goodbye to him. They were still worked up over something that was in vain. 

But they would understand. Right?   
That there were limits that could not be exceeded.

His lips turned into a comforting smile. 

No matter what, in the end they would come to understand.

And from a blackened sight, his whole world faded into black.


	9. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knows how long people can last when they are dead?  
> Sanji would like to know, but he cannot determine the time he had been gone from this world. But in the end, it does not matter anyway. When life is stronger than death, then the time you had been in Grim Reaper's embrace is meaningless in the end. What will always count is the family that cares for you. Families go beyond blood relation after all.  
> May the Straw-Hats never part!

Light pierced his eyes in the middle of nowhere and the next breath entering his lungs was cold, fresh and clean. Tormenting sensations wrecked through his nerves, his brain felt like overloading and dying any second, but why in the first place? 

Everything hurt, everything burnt and was yet so cold! He wanted to raise his arms, wanted to fight it, wanted to ridicule the force that tried to keep him alive! But he had already forgotten that he was supposed to be dead after all. 

A shadow appeared above him and his consciousness was faltering once more. Bitter and slightly sour taste unfurled in his mouth as air filled his lungs without him having to do anything. 

_So strange… it shouldn’t be like this._

A hit on his chest. Another and another and another. He coughed weakly. What the hell?! Who was that asshole hitting a heavily injured man? He’d kick his ass so hard that his whole leg would sink in that bastard’s shithole! 

When he tried to roll onto his side to get up, he found himself unable to and cursed. What the fuck was this situation? Everything had felt so peaceful. There had been light and at its step it had been so blue. Blue like the sky and cool like the sea. There had been no weight and no wor- 

His eyes shot open.  
Nami was in tears right next to him, kneeling and her sobs were so loud it hurt his head. But Sanji smiled. 

Shit. He had seen a glimpse of paradise. 

“Close call, shitty cook.”  
The familiar voice reminded him that the taste had also been familiar from when someone had helped him breathe. Sanji turned his head just a tad to look up at a breathless Marimo. He smirked. “What was?”, he mocked him tiredly. The raspy voice was unusual for him, but he could not get it out any clearer.  
Zoro just put his palm onto the blond’s forehead and sighed. 

Sanji’s eyes went back to look at the devastated Nami and he managed to muster a gentle smile. “My my. A beautiful lady shouldn’t get so worked up.”  
From the tears, cries and sobs the young woman let out, it suddenly turned into something that sounded choked. Hiccups, her eyes red and wet and still creating rivers of grief. Zoro grinned. Now that was the Sanji he liked. Shit cooks were best alive after all! 

Nami burst into laughter, her mind probably on the verge of breaking as her hysterical laughter mixed with helpless crying. “He’s alive!”, she shrieked in that unbalanced voice that was partially shrill and partially almost unheard because that exact same voice was so broken. 

Oh how Sanji wished to touch her cheek so he could comfort her. But he himself had to admit that he was jolly glad that he had been able to step back from the gate to the world of bright Black. 

He heard Nami cry out that Sanji was alive over and over again, as if she needed it to convince herself that it was really true. The cook coughed again weakly. Breathing hurt. But he was capable of doing it. He scraped that victory, but winning over death briefly was still a win. The Grim Reaper should just suck his cock or whatever. His soul wasn’t to be harvested yet. Not before he’d seen All Blue! Not before he had the chance to dye his soul in the colour of the greatest sea of all. 

He leaned into the gentle touch of the swordsman and looked back up. He formed the word “thanks” with his lips. Zoro understood but left it uncommented. 

Fuck. He had never felt this rush of panic in his whole life. Acting cool was one thing, but having a tidal wave going off in your spirit is something unmatched to anything ever before.  
He could feel the sweat, could feel the skin, the soft hair, the vague movement of the trembling frame. Sanji played it all cool as well. But both men knew each other’s secret. They shared it after all. 

They had been shocked and scared shitless. 

If it wouldn’t strain the cook’s body too much, Zoro would just pull him up and hug him for good, but the injuries were still as severe as before and the cook was forbidden to move at any cost. 

“Oi. You think you can make it until we’re in town?” Zoro’s voice was deep and calm. It comforted Sanji a lot to listen to it. Therefore his eyes closed and he hummed. “Keep talking to me… I need to stay awake. Then I can.” 

Nami, who had finally quieted down went to wash her messed up face in the nearby river. She had tears and snot running all over her face and it disgusted herself already. There was no way she would stay that way. Even less since they would enter town soon! No citizen was ever to see her this ugly! 

When she came back she reached for the stretcher and ordered Zoro to take the other side, but he refused, telling her that her body was too weak as to carry him the complete way. They would have to wait. 

Sanji looked around curiously, albeit slowly. Strange.  
“Where are Ussop and Luffy?”, he asked curiously. The urge to lean up irked him all the time already but being left immobile prevented this pretty well. 

“They took off to town to get help. I wanted to go by myself, but they wouldn’t let me.”  
“You see”, Nami interfered, “if we would have sent Zoro ahead, you would have died for sure.”  
Sanji laughed softly. Yeah… he would have died for sure indeed. That Marimo and his sense of direction. But with Zoro here, Sanji was more comfortable anyway. 

The cook sighed exhausted and looked at the sky. There were so many questions going on in his head. But none of them would come out. He was already tired again and talking took a toll on his body too. Maybe the Marimo would keep telling what was going on on his own accord. Sometimes that man managed to read the atmosphere enough to do exactly what someone expected from him without having to communicate it with words. 

And to Sanji’s surprise, the Marimo did continue.  
“So then Luffy went ahead. We just heard him yell that he’d get help right away. Ussop, that idiot followed him too, blabbering about something him knowing how to convince them to come and help. If you ask me, Nami is better with words, and I could have used him to keep carrying you, but things kinda gained momentum and it was all happening fast…” 

Sanji heard the swordsman sigh and he opened his eyes once more to look up at him. That sight pierced Zoro’s heart for good. Sanji looked weak and hollow, and now that he had the chance to look at him with less tension and panic, he saw those dark shadows under Sanji’s eyes.  
It had all been a close call after all. 

“Zoro… What happened to me? I… I remember waking up and… I remember that it hurt so much I couldn’t take it…” The sound of his weak voice was so bitter. “And then I remember light and that you got me out and off the ship.” 

_I was able to smell you…_

“And then it was all dark… And I felt better…” 

Nami sobbed at Sanji’s words. Keeping her emotions in check was so hard at a time like this. Everyone was worked up, but it was even harder for her. Sanji understood. She was a woman after all. Fragile loveliness in itself with the right to be weak. A woman showing weakness was an appealing thing. He liked it. It made him want to protect them even more. Therefore it was even worse for him to be the one who needed protection at the moment. 

Zoro looked at him blankly.  
“You were dead”, he spat out cold. 

Sanji froze.  
Dead. Dead for real.  
Impossible. 

Truth to be told, he had had that feeling that it had been close because of all these feelings and things he had seen, but what the bloody shit hell was this about? Him being dead. Dead how? Dead why? 

“Zoro noticed right away”, Nami interrupted Sanji’s panic. She sat down beside him with her knees pulled to her chest. She looked at him with that heart wrecking worried expression. “All of a sudden he yelled at all of us aggressively and said we need to stop. He was so loud we even heard an echo. He said stuff like “Put him down!” and all, and when Luffy asked why, Zoro looked like he was about to kill him. And then he checked your pulse and was all white.” 

Zoro felt himself blush. “Shut up you wench…”, he complained. It had all been true. He was the first to notice and he was the first to panic too. 

Nami, unimpressed by Zoro’s rude words, continued.  
“He pulled off the scarf from your head to check your eyes and initiated cardiac massage. Zoro was also the one who helped you breathe. The moment Zoro had started, Luffy and Ussop were already gone and I just stayed back and watched…” She rubbed her eyes. “It took you so long to wake up…” From sniffles she went to sobs and the tears formed once more. “It took you… so long…”, he cried. “So so long… Sanji-kun, it was so long…” 

Shaken to the core from the story he looked back and forth between them. Zoro’s hand was still on his forehead. Sanji shifted with all strength he could muster and the palm switched down to cup and secure his cheek immediately. Sanji cuddled into it and sighed as best as he could. This was so very comfortable. 

“How long?” Sanji needed to know. 

But both of them shook their head. And Sanji imagined the worst. He might be able to get the information in a different way.  
“How long are Ussop and Luffy gone already?” 

“They should be back soon”, was the only answer he got from Zoro. And judging by the look on the swordman’s eyes, Zoro was as clueless as Sanji was. In a situation like this, keeping track of time was most likely to be the least thing to care about. But it must have been very long. God only knew how long Nami had been crying next to his dead body. And God only knew how desperate the marimo had tried to save him. 

What had been going on in Zoro’s mind during that time?  
Had he thought about giving up just one second? Had he been sure to get him through? 

“Nami…”, Sanji heard himself say before even realising that he did. The girl looked up again, apparently shocked to have heard her name. When he had her attention, Sanji kept talking. “Could you please get some water for me… And something wet to help me refresh?” 

She looked at him for a few seconds. It probably took her that long to comprehend what had been asked of her. Eventually she got up and reached for his chest. Curious as to what she took he followed the hand that lifted up a dark scarf. When he glanced at the arm of the Marimo he understood. It was Zoro’s scarf. But why was it on his chest?  
So many questions bothered him. 

“I’ll be right back”, she announced and went down and away. 

Sanji looked up once again. “Oi. Marimo.”  
The gentle eyes were still down and focused on only him. A hum showed that he had his attention.  
With greatest effort his hand lifted up to cup the other’s cheek. No matter how much Zoro appreciated this, he didn’t want Sanji to overdo it. So he cupped the hand as well to support it, leaned into the touch for just a little moment and then placed it back onto the ground again with utter care. 

It was hard to make out from the weakness the voice already held again, but Zoro could hear it very well. 

_Kiss me._

With Nami gone, he was happy to oblige.  
He leaned down and placed his lips on a pair of freezing cold, slightly bluish lips. His tongue traced the dry and rough skin before it dipped in just a tad. 

Sanji felt a pang of frustration as he couldn’t embrace the other. The need to feel him close, or at least to feel anyone close nagged at the back of his mind, but this was good enough for now. Without the ability to strive around, he was bound to this. 

And even though it felt like kissing a dead person, the little response Sanji gave put him at ease and bestowed a loving and enlivening touch upon it.  
A hand was placed on his shoulder, Sanji could feel as much. The other’s tongue went in deeper for a second and licked along the teeth and even dared to tease the roof of Sanji’s mouth. 

The cook sighed happily. He felt content. The parting of it had been fast, but the time without Nami was limited, but exchanging this gesture had been essential for both of them right now. Sanji could experience a rush of excitement for life flowing through his veins, warming him a little bit and giving him back some of his senses. For Zoro it was like a proof that Sanji was alive. Tasting him and witnessing a response was like a vow that Sanji would survive. 

They remained where they were, spending time looking at each other until Nami approached. She had a weak smile on her lips.  
“I brought the water, Sanji-kun. Also… I think Luffy’s coming back. Listen closely.” 

When the welcomed cool hit his forehead and the water dripped from the fabric down to his hair, he couldn’t but smile once again. Oh yes. That noise, that excited yell. That was Luffy.  
He hadn’t been awake for long until now. He probably had been dead much longer than he wanted it to be true. But he would find out eventually. At some point someone would tell him, he was sure of that. 

For now, he opened his mouth to accept the water from a cup-shaped leaf that Nami had found. He took slow gulps and swallowed difficultly, but that as well helped him revive some strength. He would make it after all. There was no other choice. His Nakama would never understand if he’d just die on them randomly. They wouldn’t let him to begin with. 

 

A carriage arrived together with Luffy, Ussop and another man who was a stranger to Sanji. But it did not bother him. His friends would never bring a harmful person in such a situation.  
His body got lifted onto the wooden vehicle and they all got up. Luffy had called out his name several times and then had started blabbering randomly about how they had found a doctor, but Sanji couldn’t care less.  
He just looked up at the sky, relieved that whatever he had seen while dead, had not kept him. Even if All Blue were a myth, dying people see when thinking about their last wish, he was too young to have the dream of his life come true already. All Blue could wait for many more years. And if he would have to wait for it until he died, that was fine as well.  
Having experienced death so closely now, he could at least say for sure that if it hadn’t been during his life time, he could still see it when he crossed the gate between the worlds. 

For now, there was only one thing important.  
That all his Nakama were around him to make sure Sanji didn’t die on them. 

Was this what the warmth of a functional family was? 

_Yeah. A family. They were a family.  
They were the Straw-hats after all._

_The smile he had on his face – it shall never fade._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to apologise for that my chapters are always so short. I always end up at approximately the same length, it had always been that way. 
> 
> So... Haha, well... Sorry I guess ^^' 
> 
> Also sorry for never beta reading and for never checking on mistakes. 
> 
> Please enjoy thoroughly though. I want to entertain every single one of my readers! I love you all!


	10. The feeling of a stuffed Turkey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Sanji's surgery is in progress, Zoro gets examined by a girl who's good at embarassing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame me for the turkey statement - I HAD FUN!

After reaching the local doctor’s office, Sanji got separated from everyone in order to prepare him for the upcoming surgery. 

On their way back, the cook’s condition that had seemed to have temporarily improved after his waking up had worsened again. He had started mumbling in delirium. All of them were incomprehensible things and the few clear sentences’ contents didn’t fit together.   
Of course all of them had kept talking back to Sanji to keep him occupied. Everyone had tried to keep him awake and entertained on something so he wouldn’t faint again. 

 

Right now, everyone was kept waiting in a room narrow room and supplied with enough time to be all worried. Obviously all of the crew members had their own way to deal with the situation and of course all of them had a different way to act in a situation like this.

Luffy shifted from left to right on his seat impatiently. The captain had announced before that he was hungry, so that was likely to be the main reason for his fidgety. Also not to mention just how bad at sitting still this man was from the get go.   
He had a hard time waiting there. 

Nami, some seats away and feeling alone was frozen in her current position. Her elbows rested on her legs and her low hanging head was hidden between her arms to block out everything from her view.   
She was staring to the ground and tried to focus on all the good memories they had since they had met the cook. No matter what it was that came to her mind, she begged that it would be bright enough to chase away her dark fears of the surgery’s outcome. 

Ussop bit his bottom lip and just sat there, all tense and shaky. Thousands of thoughts ran through his head, all of them formless and hard to put into words.   
The panicked expression of Zoro was stuck into his head when he had yelled at them to put Sanji down. The smile on Sanji’s white face and the naked fear Zoro had shown when he had checked Sanji’s pulse. It was all so clear and repeated like a movie stuck on this scene. Over and over he remembered. At that time he had seen a real corpse! Someone whose death was temporary. Did that mean from now on they’d travel with a zombie when the cook survived? Sanji was a living dead now, right?   
Was this the beginning of the brave Captain Ussop’s tales alongside a perverted Zombie Cook?   
His thoughts dissolved in another memory of Sanji’s dead expression. With that really really cruel smile that said “It’s alright.” 

At last to mention - Zoro was the one sitting the farthest away. He seemed calm on the outside.   
He did give off the aura and impression of a watch dog after all. His gaze was focused on the door where Sanji got prepared behind it. Zoro’s thoughts were all collected and calm. It was just a waiting game. There was no way that shitty cook would not survive. That guy wasn’t cut out for dying. Not when he’d come so far already.   
The best choice was to sit it out and see how the cook was doing after the treatment. Panicking wouldn’t help Sanji, so getting the absolutely worked up Nami away from him to reduce potential stress for the Ero Cook was probably worth a thought. 

Crushing silence tormented the four crew members.  
Leaving all of them alone with their thoughts wouldn’t raise the spirit anymore, so a distraction was definitely needed. 

Luffy got everyone’s attention when he suddenly spoke up.   
“So… Ano… Aneste..st…ics? What’s that?” 

With a sigh, Nami lifted her head and looked out of the window so she could avoid everyone’s looks. She’d been crying again and her red eyes… she was ashamed of them. Hopefully no one would notice.  
“It’s anaesthetics, Luffy…”, she corrected him with a slightly annoyed tone that was all set up. “I try to explain it simple for you. It’s a complex of medication that contains stuff to affect the central nervous system. Basically you have the hypnotics to put the person to sleep, the analgesics to release the pain, and the muscle relaxants paralyse the whole system. So when someone gets a general anaesthetic, they are unconscious, free of pain and immobile.” 

“Ah!”, Luffy exclaimed. “So it’s a mystery medicine!”

All of them sighed annoyed. So he didn’t understand after all. 

“But I didn’t understand why they said that Sanji won’t get any anaesthetics”, Ussop interfered. He seemed scared at the mere thought of getting cut open while conscious. That was nothing he imagined a person could survive. 

Nami just nodded and it took her a few seconds to answer. “I’m not a doctor, so I don’t understand much of it myself, but apparently Sanji’s lung is severely injured and that’s a life threatening risk when using narcotics. They cannot take that risk. Or they don’t want to take it, I don’t know…” She sighed again and let her head hang low once more. “So judging from what they’ve said, he will just get pain killers to ease it a little, but he’s awake and he will feel it all…” Her eyes closed and she sounded so pained when she had said it. Simply imagining this hell Sanji went through right now, it nearly killed her fragile heart. 

 

Another door went open and a young girl in a white skirt and a white shirt entered. She looked around intimidated and shyly squeaked the Name “Roronoa Zoro?” 

Zoro got up without another word. It was time to get his pierced stomach checked and fixed. The bitch swordfish had left visible traces after all. And something to get rid of the pain wouldn’t be too bad either. The healing process itched and stung a lot and though it was easy to handle, it was still a slight bother. 

When he entered the white room, he looked around curiously.   
He was asked to free his upper body and the nurse prepared a tray with disinfectant along bandages, wound dressings, and other supplies that might be needed while Zoro tore off his pretty shredded shirt.   
She turned towards him and asked him to sit down at the cot. 

As soon as he sat there, he watched her check the wound. That girl, he thought. She couldn’t be older than 14 and she was so thin that he could have sworn she’d be a sensitive type who can’t deal with the sight of blood. Her mere looks made her seem weak in general. Was she fit to treat him?

However when she started rubbing the dried blood off from the pierce’s surroundings Zoro had to gasp. He hadn’t expected her to be this bold. Either less roughness or at least a warning would have been nice, but apparently she didn’t think it was necessary. 

When she moved around to also reach the back in order to do the same cleaning there, he stared at the other wall and wondered if he had misjudged that nurse kid girl. Contrary to her looks, she acted very confident. 

A cotton ball drenched in iodine got moved around now and if it wouldn’t be too humiliating to loudly complain about that sensation right now, he would have loved to just pull away and to curse like a sailor. Instead he forced himself to breathe evenly to stand it.   
Whatever this was, it couldn’t compare to what Sanji lived through currently. 

During the disinfecting ordeal, none of them talked. When it was clean however she ripped open a pack of wound dressing and put it onto the opening. “So how did this happen?” 

“Ah? A swordfish.” 

“Not you. The emergency guy.” 

Zoro clicked with his tongue. What kind of attitude was that? She had been so different just a moment ago when she had called him in. Was this a case of split personality or had it just been an act to seem innocent?

“An accident”, he replied dryly. When she began to wrap the bandages around, she added some extra pressure to the wound and pulled the bandages extra tight. The man twitched, his breath hitched and his eyes grew wider for a moment. What a bitch, she did that on purpose, didn’t she? 

“If we’re to treat him, we need to know everything. Spit it out, or you’re raising his risk to bite the dust.”   
Ah, so she was blunt on top of that. But he couldn’t argue about that. Actually, that kind of straight forwardness was refreshing. 

He looked around. Nobody would be able to hear him in here, right? But should he talk about that to such a young one? He was supposed to talk about their night activities now, wasn’t he?  
Ah, why care. She asked for it, she’d get it. 

The nurse had already taken a pen and a sheet with some notes on it.   
“So, from what we know so far, age, blood type, pre-existent conditions and family are unknown. He’s approximately 177cm tall and you said he’s about 50 kilograms. You’re all sticking to a well-balanced diet, he’s a heavy smoker. He’s sporty. Also he’s solitary.” 

While she read it out loud she tapped each written information with her pen to go through it all systematically. “What else?” 

“That bastard’s a womaniser. He might have done it with countless so far, but who knows.” 

The nurse took a note and circled something in red.   
“Blood sample is already taken to determine his blood type. We’ll check for diseases as best as we can.” She set the pen down and shot him a serious look. “I’ve got a thorough report from the other guys waiting outside about how you two jumped into the sea to hunt for fish and how he got injured.” 

Zoro withstood her vicious glare, but that bitch was damn tough. She kept on her questions right away. “Is this really all that happened?” 

Ah, he had to talk about it now. Inwardly he could hear himself apologise to Sanji as he had to reveal their intimate night, but maybe Zoro really had done something to him that had caused the condition to go that bad. 

He leaned against the wall behind him where the cot was stationed at and looked at her unimpressed. “He hasn’t eaten that well the last few days and was weaker than any of us, but I’m the only one who knows about that. In addition, even when it was hard for him to breathe, he still smoked. Also, last night when I checked on him, I got him quite breathless.” 

“How”, she insisted coldly. 

Zoro scratched the back of his head. That was more awkward he had imagined. Simply doing things wasn’t that hard to tell. …probably. But Zoro considered himself as the tough type, the rowdy. Admitting that he was soft enough to voluntarily kiss and embrace someone, it felt like humiliation.  
“I…” He looked to the side with a suffering and definitely embarrassed expression. “I kissed him”, he finally stated. 

The nurse kept watching him blankly and the fact that she didn’t even flinch and Zoro on the other hand was the one all tense at that topic made him feel like a loser and that definitely screwed with him. 

When the stare didn’t cease he was aware that he was expected to continue on his own. Zoro tapped his finger on one of the katana’s sheath. “He’s quite weak to touch it seems. So he tensed at little things and I kept him on edge for a while.” 

While writing down some of the gathered information, she simply stated “So you’ve had sex.” 

That actually hit him off guard and caused the man to fall off the cot with a choking noise. What the hell was wrong with that beast, saying such things so easily?! It was a completely wrong conclusion to begin with! 

He got up once more. At this rate he’d have to raise his guard or he’d be taken aback by another one of these surprise comments. And if there was one thing Zoro wanted to avoid, it was to pull another stunt like that falling off the cot in shock. 

He crossed his arms in front of his body in denial and shook his head quickly. The faint blush on his cheeks irked the swordsman.   
“We had not, we definitely had not! Just superficial!” 

“But you’re still gay”, came the flat reply and Zoro lost his balance and fell forward once more. The loud crash caused by the face to ground meeting made the whole room shake. The nurse shook her head. For now she’d better drop that topic.   
“Did he drink enough water at least?”

Zoro got up again and grabbed a tissue to stop the nose from bleeding. “What do I look like, his babysitter? I assume he did, we provided enough water.” 

She nodded. That was all for now. She put the sheet aside and walked up to Zoro. “Stand up straight.” 

He did as he was told without any other remark. She checked the security of his stance. So apparently that man was just prude. There she had been worried if something had affected Zoro’s sense of balance. 

She had him stand on the other leg, had him touch his nose with closed eyes and she had pressed several points to see if he was still able to feel everything right. The pierce and the disgusting large cut at the front she had also tended aside, Zoro seemed like a healthy man in good condition. 

“No need for further examination”, she announced. “If there’s nothing left that’s bothering you, I’ve got one more client to attend today.” 

“Do as you like”, the green haired swordsman replied and left the room. Right before he closed the door he turned back and mentioned “thanks”. 

 

Back at the small waiting room, Zoro was greeted with emptiness. He looked around curiously. Nobody was here. He didn’t pick the wrong door, did he? 

Pitiful cries could be heard from the other side of the room. That was the shit cook’s voice. He was definitely correct here. So where was everyone? 

He turned at a sound behind him and Nami flinched back when Zoro’s first reaction was to get in stance to draw his sword. She hit him. “Don’t frighten me so much, idiot! Get away from the entance door!”   
Grumbling he touched his head where a bump started to swell up. So cruel… But in the end he sat back down with Nami. 

“Where is everyone?”, Zoro asked quietly. The room was filled with uncomfortable air. The smell was a mix of disinfectant, blood and medication. Also the atmosphere felt anxious and tense. The reason for the thick atmosphere was probably Nami though, since she was bad at hiding her fears. But she didn’t have a reason to hide them anyway. 

He saw her grasp her skirt as she began to talk. “Luffy got hungry… He said Sanji was going to make it anyway, so he’d just come back when he’s be awake. Ussop and I went out to get some air for a moment…” 

Interrupted by another pathetic cry that echoed through the room, Nami covered her ears. “Also… this… Listening to this is… I can’t take this. I’ve never heard him like that before. It must hurt so bad.” Her fingers tightened around her ears. 

Zoro leaned back and exhaled to ease up a bit. That exhaling… deep breathing. Involuntarily it reminded him of Sanji smoking.  
“You know, Luffy is right. If he’s got enough strength to make such a fuss when they stir in his insides with him awake, then he’s bound to get up again. Take me for example, I had my guts hang out after Mihawk and after Arlong ripped off my bandages. I know what it feels like to get all that pulpy shit stuffed back in while fully conscious. You’re kinda like a turkey that gets the filling. Feels gross, but not an experience to die for.” 

She shivered at the image in her head. “Don’t compare it to that! Also don’t compare him to you, you’re not a human, you’re a monster! No normal person lives what you can take!”

That statement was met with silence. Zoro just slowly leaned his head to the side to look at her directly. With this scary, piercing look that intimidated so easily, Nami backed away a bit. “W..What now?”, she whined. 

“He’ll make it” was all that the swordsman said. There was nothing else he could say to reassure her, but that would have to do. Everything else wouldn’t get through Nami’s thick skull. Not now.

Nami gulped. That conviction. She was so impressed by it, how could both Luffy _and_ Zoro be so relaxed about this? Not two hours ago, Sanji’s heart had not been beating! Now these two monsters were acting all reassured, but how could they? 

“Oi, Nami.” Zoro’s words put her out of her lost thoughts. “Go map the island or whatever. Have Ussop build some shit, I don’t know. But distract yourselves. I can wait here.” 

She shot him a glance. “It’s not an island, it’s an archipelago.”  
But was he for real? She should just go and think of other things?   
A soft smile appeared on her face and she nodded. Maybe that was not such a bad idea after all… 

As soon as her hand touched the handle to open the entrance door for her leave, the swordsman called out to her one last time. “He’ll make it” was all he told her. 

The door fell closed behind her and her whole mood had changed 180 degrees.   
Yosh! Sanji would make it! When everyone believed it, then Sanji would make it without a doubt!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you had fun!
> 
> Also I started beta reading and correcting the first chapters to improve them. Chap 1+2 are already done.


	11. Night Sight of the Glowing Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanji's new life is greeted with something that exceeds all of his expectations. A night brighter than any other could be displays itself before him and entchants him more expertly than any charming woman ever could.

Sunset’s orange light shone dimly. Loose leave canopy in the wind blocked some of it and threw shadows on the wall that made the sunlight seem like fire in the room. 

It was a peaceful first sight after waking up. Only some branches and leaves rustling in a gentle breeze. Ah, that was a seagull’s call in the distance. Not just one. Many. Such familiar sounds that reached his ear. What a relief, this was the world he knew. No weird transcendental area with non-existent seas and that false feel of happiness. 

He leaned up with a groan, the pain present as the feeling of thousand needles shooting through him burdened his body. But he was able to move. That was a good start. His hand went to touch the hurting area. It wasn’t too bad. But before he would inspect himself closer, he decided to have a look around to get to know his surroundings. 

As he used his second hand to grab the blanket, he stopped as something clod got in the way. Something like a wire had touched his skin. The thinking process was still slowed down, therefore comprehending that that thing ending in his arm was an infusion took a while. 

His first impulse was to rip it off, but there was a reason for sure that this annoying thing was in him.  
There was not much of dizziness, Sanji took it as a good sign and got braver in his actions. His feet slid off the edge of the bed and out below the blanket. Now he could see better. He was wearing one of these embarrassing night gowns. Where were his clothes, he needed to change them before anyone of his Nakama saw him like that! But what should he do with that wire connected to him? 

In the end he had taken it out on his own to be free to roam around some more. No big deal, there hadn’t been much blood and after pressing down on it with a tissue, the little bleeding was stopped right away. 

In one swift motion the gown was dropped and he checked himself. There was a scar at the side of his body. Many stitches held the cut closed. When did that happen? He couldn’t remember being cut. But it had to be one, it was long and precise. Had that shitty Marimo hit him by accident? …no. No matter how dumb that guy was, he wasn’t careless with his swords. 

Getting a headache over this wasn’t worth it. He checked a closet, just to find it empty. He’d better hurry, his body was getting cold. Striving around naked hadn’t been that smart, but he couldn’t care less about smart decisions at the moment. It felt good to feel cool air hitting his skin. It felt good to be able to stand again, to be supported by his own two legs. 

After another drawer was as empty as the closet, he looked around again. Where else could his clothes be? 

He stood right next to the window while wondering about that. Maybe in another room? Under the bed? 

A shrill yell of a woman ripped him out of his deep thoughts and back into reality. A male was with her and Sanji looked down curiously to check if she was in danger. Instead he felt a blast of guilt when he saw her point upwards, right at him and screaming “PERVERT!!!”  
In shock the cook ripped the curtains closed. Ah, so embarrassing! That poor lady, it must have been hard to have to look at such a wonderful body with that fragile heart of a woman! Oh yes, that must be it, she was absolutely overwhelmed by him that she couldn’t think of anything. She wasn’t able to tear her eyes from him after all. Ahh, he was so happy about it! 

Imaginary hearts surrounded him. What a pretty lady she had been to begin with! A real beauty. But it could have started off in a better way. 

So it wouldn’t happen again, he’d have to obtain his clothes. Right now.  
His eyes rested at a seat. There, his shoes were below! And on top there was a pile. After taking a closer look he could definitely identify these as his. But they had an unfamiliar smell. When he held them to his nose, he was sure they had been washed. Not with what they usually used on their ship though, it smelled differently. 

When he bowed down to get on his underwear, he felt the annoying sting in his side again. Same when he put on his pants and socks. But as soon as he put on his shirt, there was something entirely else that hurt. His cigarettes were gone. Not in the pocket of his chest! Not where he had left them! No way! 

In a rush of panic he checked his pants pockets and the entire room. Who was that retarded prankster who took his cigarettes away? Someone was gonna get it so hard! 

With his black top shirt grabbed in his fist, he stormed out. He needed a cigarette and he didn’t care who took them away, he’d retrieve them back! They were as necessary as other people needed air to breathe! 

The hallway was small and short, nobody was to be seen. This gave off the impression of a mini hospital. By the way it looked it was old but in good shape. His steps lowered. If this was a place for sick people, he should show some manners. To stop bolting around was the first step of that. But that still did not solve the case of his disappeared cigarettes. It left him guessing though. If a nurse had found them, they were probably long thrown away. 

Oh, if this place had cute nurses? If a cute lady had taken care of him while he was asleep? That would be so nice! He wanted to get to know her! She must be an angel, working here and day by day taking care of sick people!

With his stupid blush and grin combo on his face he kept looking around some more until he found the exit. 

Where were the others? They didn’t leave him here, did they?  
How much time had passed? He felt a bit weird. Weaker and thinner. First of all, he should get some good food. But the place seemed small, judging from what he could see. No people were around and the birds began to quiet down as well.

The woman with that man beside her was long gone probably. She didn’t seem to be around anymore. 

Come to think of it. He hadn’t even checked himself in a mirror. What did he look like? His hair must be a mess. He ran his hands through it and found it to be straggly and gross. Disgusting. He’d have to either check in an inn, or he’d look for the harbour to take a shower at the Going Merry. 

Eating would be nice too. Who knew how long it had been since he had eaten? Only the infusion’s liquid made itself present as the urge to pee appeared and got worse with each step. 

Sanji looked around, then turned the corner to hide behind the trees and relieved himself. 

His legs felt wobbly when he went back on track. The sun was down now and aside from his hair, he blended into the darkness pretty well. This wasn’t the best time to have a look around, but waiting aimlessly wasn’t like him. As part of a pirate crew, he’s got adventure flowing through his veins. 

The end of the village was reached within minutes and he hadn’t encountered an inn or a bar. Did his crew find a place to stay at other people’s houses? Making friends quickly would be just like them. Or they already made enemies, that was also just like them. 

His hand reached for the chest pocket and when he grasped at nothing he threw his vest on the ground. What the fuck, no cigarettes! That irked him so much! 

His heart made a jump and he felt cold for a moment. His vision got darker and he sank to his knees. Oh shit… His body wasn’t ready for being energetic just yet. 

He kneeled there for a moment before it got better. Maybe he should go back? But a restaurant would be nice too. He couldn’t pay but he could offer his cooking skills. His skills were good enough to count as payment after all, he was confident about it. 

The farther he got, the thicker the woods got. The village was behind him already and his plan was to look out for the closest coast of the sea. They didn’t seem to be on a huge island, he saw a wide river part the rocky land. The ground looked lush from what he saw and the vegetation was not only rich but also strong and healthy. 

He got down at the riverside and watched the seemingly black water flow through its bed. The night sure knew how to swallow colours. The green was grey, the blue was black, the sky was dark from leaves of big trees covering the sky, and even the air smelled different at that time of the day.  
He leaned back and closed his eyes. It was nice here. From somewhere close by he could hear the ocean cause ripples, but the peaceful murmuring of the river’s flow was what actually relaxed him. 

Furious growling resonated from his stomach, but he couldn’t care less. Hunger? What he felt today was nothing. He remembered himself sitting on this stupid rock and smirked. There was so much more that he could take. 

_If life and destiny team up to crush you, all you have to do is to get back up and keep going. That’ll blow their minds and each of their attempts will get increasingly meaningless._

Defying death was one of a pirate’s daily job. Sanji had enough practice already. 

This was a good place to rest. He could take a nap here and keep searching for the others when he woke up again. 

 

Something tickled his cheek and ear.  
His eyes fluttered for a moment before they opened very slowly. It was still dark. A light weight hopped from his shoulder down to his chest. Whatever it was, it was hard to make it out. With his eyes used to the darkness, he could still only see a vague frame. This seemed to be a bird. In the middle of the night? 

Sanji leaned up with a sigh and scared the little feathery fellow away. There was light coming from somewhere. But the light didn’t seem to be caused by sunset. It was more of a greenish glow emitted from below. 

He shifted and looked at the river. It was the river! The water’s shores shimmered in a greenish light. It had been written in a book he had once read to study fish. It was a natural phenomenon, like fireflies. Fluorescence. 

Amazed by the looks of it he dipped his finger inside. The shimmer stuck to his fingertips and he twisted and turned his hand in awe. He could see it shine and glisten. It was so beautiful! But there was even more!  
Without thinking he took off to follow the river’s direction in such a haste that he had left his black vest behind.

His heart pounded like crazy during his run along the riverbed, but his eyes were filled with life and happiness. This was said to be rare and that almost nobody in the world knew what that spectacle looked like. If this was true, he was about to witness it with his own two eyes. 

The burn in his lung from the strain of his body was nothing to the eagerness burning inside Sanji’s chest. He would see it! 

He boasted through covert and grove, not caring about the branches scratching him at all. 

All of a sudden the wood ended. Not far behind there was an impressively enormous cliff. The river lead into a waterfall and Sanji had a good view over a good part of the archipelago. Rivers and streams cut their way through the land in irregular patterns and all the water was shining so beautifully. But that wasn’t the most breath taking sight of it. 

Those shiny lively lines all lead into the sea eventually.  
He took a step further onto the slick rock standing out close to the waterfall and fine droplets covered him like moist fog. It left him shining as much, but not nearly as bright as his eyes. 

Open land spread out in front of him, below his feet and highest waves were clearly outlined by the fluorescent algae swimming in the water. Bright water crashed against the coasts, the moon shone brightly above him with the stars and everything looked so much like a dream world. 

Only the pain in his side and chest told him that this was real.  
He wasn’t dead! 

He smiled so bright like he had never before and his heart fluttered in love he had not experienced with any woman so far! 

He took another step forward. The wind was strong up here and the waterfall’s noise was something else as well, but he enjoyed it all! He savoured it and felt like he was about to drown in joy! There was not enough space in his body to contain these intense feelings that all gathered inside. 

He took a deep breath and yelled “I’M ALIVE!”  
Oh he definitely was! So much! He was so much alive that he could see this! 

A swarm of birds rushed past him and he looked up as happily. It was probably the same kind as the one who had decided to sit on him before. 

Now he noticed them. The used the forefront of the waterfall. The rocks there had created a natural basin for fish and he could see them diving into the dangerous waters to actually catch some prey!

He turned and looked at the other direction. Wherever they had landed, this was a heavenly place! 

He sat down onto the slick rock, close to the edge and just felt the life roam through him. Joy, happiness, content, luck, all of it. 

A spot at the coast not so far away caught his attention. It was darker.  
He leaned forward. The Going Merry! He’d just have to go down that cliff and he’d see them all! He could be with them again! He could see his home! The Going Merry! 

He took a few steps back after getting up and tested his remaining jumping abilities. He was still good. His body could hold out that much. So he skimmed through the cliff’s possibilities to get down. It was too dark, he couldn’t see a path leading down, but the fine water spray sticking to the rock wall let him see the opportunities to climb very well. 

But did he really want to leave already? When would he see this again? … would he see this again? Ever?

All good things in life were temporary.  
He inhaled deeply and yelled out another roar of joy. The adrenaline really riled him up right now.  
Time to take the jumps. 

He inspected the cliff, sought out a path that looked good and prayed he wouldn’t slip. There he went. Jumping off. 

The wind rushed past him, seemed to try to hold him back as Sanji flew down, and it made the man feel even more alive. He landed at the first small platform and didn’t even allow himself a time to rest as he took off for the next. The air current felt like it tried to drag him along, as if it wanted him to fly like a bird. He spread his arms out and cried an overly excited “WOOHOOOOO!” 

At the next platform he couldn’t maintain his stance. He slipped but not too far. He balance was maintained easily and he took off for the last few jumps.  
His side hurt. And he laughed, just laughed so freely. His clothes and skin were already dipped into the fluorescent layer that made him feel like a ghost gliding through the air. This was what fish must feel like in the sea. 

If there was a next life, Sanji wished to be reborn as a fish.  
He landed and latched for the last part. The lowest jump of all and easiest to make since his landing ground was much broader than those little platforms above.

He looked up. This. He had jumped down this cliff. And he had made it.  
He felt so happy. He felt so incredibly happy, he couldn’t put it into words! 

The racing heart and aching lung left him breathless, but he took off with a dash, in a hurry to see everyone again, to tell them that he had been flying, to tell them that he had seen god’s most beautiful creation! He wanted to tell them how much he felt alive and how wonderful it was to be with them still! That he was just… plain thankful! 

 

Bright footsteps were left behind as he dragged himself up the ship. His drenched clothes left drops of water on the wooden floor and his shoes made nasty sounds of wet socks getting squished with each step.  
It looked empty. 

He took a look around if anything was back here on watch, but nobody was it seemed.  
First of all he wanted to get inside to get dry clothes. 

When he entered the kitchen, he felt like coming home and a warm feeling engulfed him. He wondered if they had restocked some supplies already and went down to check for it. Really, there were some ingredients! They were all fresh and of good quality! He could use them right away! His hands itched to touch his kitchen supplies again! His nostrils craved the smell of fine cuisine and his stomach demanded to get filled with a well prepared meal. 

While humming a tune he went to their room to get a change, then he went back to create a feast. His hands worked it all faster than usual, Sanji being driven by his own appetite as well. His motivation was sky high and as vast as the sea. 

In no time he sat back with a good serving and enjoyed it thoroughly with a glass of wine. There was only one thing that missed to make this moment perfect. His eyebrow twitched. Fucking cigarettes. 

He jerked up. Right! He was on the Going Merry! He had a whole cupboard full of packs! 

The cook shot up and dashed back down into the room and ripped open the wooden furniture to retrieve a pack. As soon as that was open he lit one right on the spot and inhaled deeply. Oh how much had he missed this? But something felt wrong. Something was off. He never got dizzy from them. Why was he now? 

He coughed. What the hell?  
He stared at his hand that seemed to be trembling.  
When he blew out the smoke he clutched his chest. It hurt. It hurt! It hurt real bad!  
He stubbed it out on the nearby ashtray and tried to breathe evenly. 

Some time passed and the pain got lighter, but that was nothing he could accept. Whatever the reason was, he wanted it to go away. 

When he got back up a bit wobbly, he took the ashtray, the lighter and the pack of cigarettes with him. He’d give it another shot after the meal.

Devastated by the incident he started eating again, but with much less vigour. Way to snooker him. 

He leaned back in his seat nonchalantly and took another sip of his wine. At least this was enjoyable.  
He could use the time to try and remember what had happened. So when he stared at the ceiling, he tried to recollect everything. 

First he had been fishing with Zoro. He had gotten slammed against the ship during their hunt. Then he remembered the bed where Zoro had him… _entertained_.

The blond reached for another cigarette and lit it. He took a less deep breath this time and could handle it a lot better like this. Zoro… What had been going on in that guy’s mind at that time? Sure, they’d been going with the flow of how things developed, but they didn’t even like each other. 

He took a deeper drag this time and felt his muscles relax. It hurt in his chest but he could deal with that. It would go away eventually. 

Maybe because they didn’t like each other it had been developing so well between them. They were still independent, even with advantages like this. Sanji couldn’t deny that he had had a pleasurable time back then. His needs had been piling up and Zoro had definitely surprised him by how smoothly he had managed everything. 

So then what?  
Their night had ended strangely. During them doing it there had been some point where Sanji remembered clearly it had felt like something inside had ripped from the tension he had built up together with his needs. From then on he had known something odd was going on. 

He remembered waking up in the morning, but couldn’t remember falling asleep the night before. He remembered that all of them had entered his room and that it had been loud, but that his head had felt hazy at that time already.  
He had been carried out of his room. Then there had been this light, and then something soft on his eyes. Something that had smelt like Zoro. Something that had taken the cruel light away.

Then he remembered floating and seeing strange things.  
He had seen All Blue.  
But now he knew it had been a hallucination from his near death experience. 

Then he remembered Nami crying. And Zoro above him with an expression he had never seen before. …oh yeah. There had also been that pain from someone hitting his chest. …yeah. It had irked Sanji back then. But what had Nami said? Cardiac massage? …as if the Marimo even knew what that was. How was he supposed to perform it to begin with?  
…but there had been the Marimo’s taste in his mouth too, no doubt about that. 

He blew out the smoke and looked over to the scuttle. The fluorescent scenario still went on. 

He got up, cleaned up and prepared a whole pot of coffee. He’d take it up into the crow’s nest and enjoy the spectacle a little longer. 

Equipped with the pot, a cup and a blanket he went up and appreciated the view until his body gave out and he fell asleep again inside the cramped space of the nest. 

A little bird sat down on his head and got comfortable in the damp and straggly blond hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt really good while writing this. I hope you loved reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
> Sanji deserves some luck too. 
> 
> I'll make sure he won't burst from his excitement in a literal way ;D 
> 
> Opinions are welcome!


	12. Following the Trail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanji has disappeared overnight! Everyone goes to look for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not beta read.  
> Ignore the end notes if you don't care why.

“Did you find him yet?”, Nami cried out breathlessly as she encountered Ussop on her way running through the village. The other man, still some steps away called back a breathless “Not yet! I’ll check the southern area again!” 

“Alright! I’ll go back to the doctor’s place to see if he reappeared in the meantime!”   
“Gotcha!” 

Nami bolted off, her forehead already sweaty from the stressful search for her friend. With each step she took, her lung burned more, but the only thing she could focus on was to go and find her friend!   
Even though she literally gatecrashed the tiny medical facility and dropped by the secretary with such an upright hope to receive a good message, she got disappointed. He had not come back yet.   
At the bad news, the girl bit her bottom lip and let her head hang low. It was so hard to catch her breath when she was this stressed out. What kind of idiot would go run and hide while being this severely injured? Sanji couldn’t possibly that much of an idiot, could he?

When she looked back up at the young lady behind the counter, Nami still gave off a wrecked sight. Her face was flushed from the exertion she’s been experiencing ever since the cook had gone missing and not even her usually perfectly worn hair had its even elegant shape anymore. Combined with her sweat it was all messy. Under her ragged breath she thanked the secretary and turned on her heels to take the exit again.

Her next goal was to run another lap around the building to see if their cook was striving around there. Unlike Zoro, Sanji was definitely not the type to get lost, it wouldn’t make any sense to check places that were unlikely to be visited by the sick or injured. She checked each and every corner nevertheless, just in case. Yet to no avail. 

Where could he have gone? Had someone kidnapped him? But for what reason? It made no sense at all… They had knocked on every door, had looked in every garden, had checked every room in the hospital. All of these twice at least. Never a Sanji to be found. 

Even if she didn’t believe Sanji would go off into unknown woods and lands in such a state, she had sent Luffy off to have a go at these areas too. Zoro had gone along with him, but she doubted that Zoro would be of a big help with his … let’s call it _fabulous sense of orientation_.   
On the contrary, in case Sanji showed up, they’d have to send out an entire searching squad just to retrieve that dumbass swordsman from the wild, because getting lost was destined in Zoro’s respect! 

Nami stood at the bottom of the long main road that split the village visually. She felt like her legs would give out at any second, but faltering was not a thing she’d do.  
A gentle breeze fluffed up her messy hair a little bit as it stroked through it. She felt lost. In the middle of the day, surrounded by nice people at a determined place. In the middle of daily life she felt so utterly lost.

Her eyelids closed for a moment. Relaxation smoothened her tense muscles as she allowed herself a moment to breathe. This was enough for her to get a grip. She’d have to go through this morning again. Maybe there was a hint that they had not paid attention to just yet.

What had happened?

They had all spent the night in the hospital’s tiny guest room. When a shrieking nurse had bolted into their room before the sun had even had the chance to rise and told them that the patient’s bed was empty, their sleep had ended right then and there. All of them had shot up and started searching immediately. So far to no avail.   
The search had been systematic. The building first, then the close surroundings, then the entire village. Not a little speck of dust had been left unturned.

… So that left only one conclusion. Sanji must have left the facility during the night, for he had still been unconscious in his bed during the latest check-up in the early evening. Also it must have been the first half of the night, otherwise a man as severely injured as Sanji wouldn’t have had enough time to get far enough to disappear unnoticed. 

If she were an idiot, where would she go?   
She leaned against the wall and sighed deeply. …if she were to wake up in an unknown place with her Nakama not around, wouldn’t she go look for them too? Probably. …no. She would do that for sure. But where would she go and look first? What would she do? 

She would check her condition, test the waters. Would she be able to move freely?   
Then she would go look for any kind of information. She’d look for a secretary’s desk or a facility map, or strive around to map it herself in her head. She’d check for potential rooms for her friends to stay at.   
Her eyes widened in shock. Exactly! She would have been worried if her friends wouldn’t have been there! And they had been out late the day before, all of them! Even if Sanji would have searched for them, he might have been too early! If she were to face none of her Nakama, Nami was sure she’d try and find any people close by to ask them for advice, but the little hospital wasn’t that well-staffed on top of it all! At night there were only two nurses now that they had a stationary patient! If Sanji hadn’t encountered them by accident, it would make sense that the man had gotten worried and left on his own. 

The girl turned around quickly, her hair whipped into her face as she did so, but she didn’t pay any attention to it. Instead she took off and ran back. These thoughts about the disappearance might come in handy. Now it was time to follow the trail she’d go if she were in his situation.

 

Luffy appeared above the trees, the arms he had used to catapult himself up snapping back to him mid air. He looked around aimlessly before he felt gravity pulling him back to the ground. When he fell back through the tree roof, some branches tore his skin. Jumping up and down like a bouncy ball had consumed lots of the lively captain’s energy. Wherever he had looked, his friend was not to be seen. 

He ran his fingers through the thick black mane on his head, tousled through it roughly and got up to go and grab his straw hat that had been flying off during the landing. Luffy wasn’t one to give up by any means, yet he wondered if it wasn’t for the best to give their cook some time. 

He didn’t believe into abduction, Sanji had no bounty yet. If someone was to actually hunt them, they would get blackmailed already. More presumable was that Sanji needed space. His Nakama was a strong one. There was no way the blond would go anywhere if he wouldn’t be sure he’d make it.

The young man picked up a stick and continued his way through the woods.   
He thought about the diagnoses he had heard from the doctors. Something strange with the lung, also broken rips among other stuff. Or was it something strange with the lung because of broken ribs among other stuff? Ah, he got it now! It was a mystery injury!

He began to hum a tune while he walked the way back into town. The sun was high on the sky, it must be afternoon already and god, Luffy was so hungry already! Eating first wouldn’t harm. He trusted that Sanji was alright. The day since the surgery was a while back by now, the cook was fast at his recoveries too. 

And Zoro?  
He’d turn back up eventually too. 

 

Funny thing was that of all people Zoro was the one to find the cook’s jacket at the slender riverside. How he had come across it, he couldn’t really tell. At some point he had just lost the path and found the spot at once.   
The swordsman held it in his hands and stared at it silently. Was this really Sanji’s? He gave it a sceptical sniff. Smelled clean. Nami had washed them, right? The cook’s clothes so he would be able to dress as soon as he recovered. If the bastard would know about her kind deed he would go crazy over it and probably regret that he had left it behind. But since when was eyebrows so absentminded that he’d forgot the fine clothes that uptight man loved so much? 

The swordsman grabbed the piece of cloth and threw it over his shoulder. At least that finding had confirmed his suspicion that the ero cook really was out here somewhere. That clue was a good one, he could start searching properly now. This was an easy task henceforth. He had to follow the riverbank, right? A look to the left, a look to the right. Going where the water was coming from or going where the water was going to? What would an idiot do? 

Just when he was about to turn to the right to follow the stream upwards, he recognised a path broken through the undergrowth. Broken branches showed a way something huge had taken. A deer probably wouldn’t have been this reckless, so it could only mean it had been the idiot cook. That was worth a check.   
With the vest still over his shoulder he began to walk the path quietly. 

Even with the sun up high, the air felt cool against his skin. This place was surprisingly romantic, even for someone who didn’t care about these things. But the quiet flow of water that would never end, just like life continued to exist for all eternity, ever changing, never lasting, the sound would probably never cease to be. Also the earth beneath his boots, the scraping sound it made because of the stones mixed into the ground moved together, it had a comforting ring to it. For the first time after a time that he couldn’t remember he was able to smell the actual scent of natural fresh water with wet stones, damp earth and growing plants, everything that mixed together harmonically like the taste of Sanji’s food always came together like a well balanced symphony. 

Zoro’s fingers tightened around the vest’s fabric. …Sanji.  
The green haired fighter thought back to certain times with him. When they got to know each other at the Baratie, how much he had been disgusted with that stranger with the horrible attitude. A real womanizer right from the start. Then he remembered a much later time when Sanji had stepped on the wound the swordfish had torn into him. 

His hand dropped to cover the spot. The gesture had been rude, but even though he didn’t understand, there had had to be a deeper meaning behind it. Sanji was an interesting mystery to solve actually. What he had learned from his master’s teachings was to always listen to the environment. True strength originated from the harmony of a person merging with nature. Understanding life would always give advantage and expand the mental horizon. 

The slow steps of the swordsman came to a halt and the man went down onto his knees to touch the ground. Understanding life did not only mean the laws of physics or the durability of material that were to be cut. Apparently it meant to watch and to listen to the opponents to spot their weaknesses, yet it also seemed to mean to watch and to listen to those close so Zoro could act accordingly. However not as a fighter in order to feel superior and to teach, when it came to those close to him, it would mean to learn to understand, to comprehend their suffering without having to say it all out loud and to mend it subtly as a person superior to mental pain. A fighter never fought the body alone, that was probably what the teaching was about. It meant to fight all the bad things. Sometimes people fight them with weapons and sometimes people fought them with words, actions or even the most gentle touch and a silent understanding. 

So what if Sanji had tried to speak up with his actions back then?  
The earth ran through his dirty fingers and the last few stones he had picked up with the handful of the ground dropped back down. His fingertips touched the ground once more. Was he that bad at listening that he didn’t comprehend what his friends had tried to say without words?

The man thought back. Sanji had complained about him not being able to handle a tiny fish, right? Had it been an accusation of him being weak? Had it been the typical mock? … had it been disbelief uttered in a sarcastic way? Had the aggression been a sign of the cook’s wish that Zoro would take it slow from then on?

He shook his head. The cook wouldn’t think that deep about anything. That was bullshit. 

The swordsman’s head perked up as something dropped before him. His eyes gazed up and then back down. A tiny little bird. A nestling from what it seemed. That poor fellow must have fallen out of the nest he could spot. His usually tense features softened unconsciously as he inched closer quietly to kneel beside it. No feathers clad the ugly little baby, it must be a really fresh one. Even a gentle smile appeared as he bent forward to form a little bowl with his hands beneath the helplessly chirping creature with the aim to pick it up and to put it back. 

When it moved to try and get away clumsily, Zoro felt his heart ache somewhat. He wasn’t the sentimental type, he couldn’t afford that in his life, that was what he told himself. But his thumb reached to give the tiny bird a careful petting stroke above the head. If he worshipped and understood life, he could merge with nature more easily. Comprehending everything, whatever he did was to develop his own personality, was to develop his understanding for how things worked and how to make use of them for a fight. This… Did this really help him understand?

Another stroke calmed the little fellow and Zoro moved to get it up the tree again. If anyone could see him now, nobody would believe that the carefree always tired Zoro would do such a thing. Nobody of his Nakama would assume such a side of him, he was sure of that. 

When he had climbed high enough with just one hand and the other still holding the baby birdie, he tried to feel secure enough to let it slip back into the nest to its siblings. He watched them for a while. His thoughts trailed off. 

Everyone had a side on them that people could not see so easily. Softness was hidden well, especially among pirates. The way Nami and especially Ussop behaved most of the time was a disgrace for the title of a pirate, but just because he was strong enough to suppress these needs to be weak it didn’t mean everyone was strong enough to do that. If the life of a pirate was really fit for those was another question. But his thoughts didn’t keep lingering around the navigator or the sharp shooter. Right now Zoro thought about Sanji. 

All the times he had quarrelled with the cook, of all the times he had despised him, and also the time when the cook had hurt him or hurt himself in favour of the others… The memories of the shortage of food flooded his mind again, when Sanji had pretended to have eaten even though he hadn’t just to leave more for his Nakama. Back then Zoro had seen the situation but the grasp hadn’t been there entirely. Now he began to understand. Now of all times while he stared at the nest of birds he’d never seen before. Tiny, fragile, lively, ugly and cute. Yet strong enough to withstand the fall from the nest. He understood. Sanji had his soft spots too. Those sides so well hidden that not even Nakama could see them. Just like Zoro hid his soft spots too. 

This behaviour of hiding, it had nothing to do with fear. It had something to do with responsibility. It was to show that the men were reliable, it was to compensate the weakness of Nami and Ussop, and it was to overact the own weakness _because_ the men wanted to give off a reliable and unbreakable impression. 

Could it be that Sanji had acted so aggressive because he didn’t want to show his fear in front of others? 

He leaned against the tree stem and looked into the sky. Showing weakness was something Zoro knew by experience hurt the pride of a strong man. But covering it up was the resolve Zoro had made because he was able to do that so casually. Swordsmen needed their mental strength, self control and especially emotional control. If Sanji was actually a weaker person on an emotional basis, then it was natural that in case of Sanji the cook would need emotions stronger than his fear to cover up the original feeling he tried to hide. And the only feeling stronger than fear was frustration and anger towards oneself to not be able to maintain cool.   
…the kick in the guts, had it been the left out frustration of Sanji that the cook couldn’t help but to be anxious about his Nakama’s wellbeing? 

Zoro imagined his thought bubble as a little cloud above his head and shoved it aside. These thoughts were getting too deep, too confused and wouldn’t lead anywhere.   
He looked back at the birds and sighed. None of their crew was a grown up. All of them had yet a long way to go, each of them had to follow their own path since all of them had joined Luffy in favour of their own dreams. If all of them were grown up, would they all fly away? Would their paths of fate ever cross again?

He jumped down from the tree and looked around. The way he had been walking before had lead down the stream of the little river. As his head turned he could make out the path. Every part of the wood looked the same to him. Only this place was oddly familiar. 

The man didn’t realise it at first when his feet carried him up the short slope, but when he found himself in the middle of the road he could tell exactly what this place was. Just a few steps from here they had been resting on the ground. With the cook breathless, heart stilled on the cold damp earth. Dead as one could be. 

Zoro turned again and looked down to the riverside. Not far from here Nami had washed her face that had been tainted with tears and snot. But from there on there had been a steep slope. Had the cook dragged himself down there? 

Curious about the path Sanji had taken Zoro went back down. As long as the path he’d have to take interested him, he was actually quite good with directions. Getting lost happened only with no clear aim or when there was no interest evoked within him whatsoever. Just this time it was different. His interest for the path had merged with the will to follow Sanji’s trail. 

Behind thick branchwood Zoro finally reached the destination he had not hoped to find. A waterfall. The reason for the nearby steep slope. And what he saw was exactly what he did not like. The grown moss at the far end of the stone reaching farthest beyond the cliff had rubbed off. Footprints were evident. The cook had been here, he was sure of it. How long had it been? 

The view was incredible from up here. Water and forest everywhere, the archipelago seemed so small, he could see caves, he could see vivid movements in the distance, animals move, hunt, run, play, live! He could see the fish swim, could see the birds fly. Just only one trail disappeared. Sanji’s.

With a gross feeling in his guts he pressed the flat palm onto the old wounds on his stomach. Mihawk had left a huge scar, the insides were still not perfectly healed. Not to mention the disgustingly disgraceful pierce of a stupid fish! But his body would have to take it. If these footprints were right, then there was only one solution to the mystery. Sanji had jumped down here. And so would Zoro now!

So he wouldn’t give doubt another chance to form he jumped right off with a destination in mind. There were secure looking rocks he could use for stopovers. Jump and jump and jump and down already. No trace. But even now Zoro had still a clue. 

His head turned. The ship was close by. His hopes implored to fate that Sanji had not walked off anywhere else but to this very place of home. 

Step by step brought him closer to the destination. Where else should eyebrows be? 

It was unnerving how the emotional state could change with every step taken. One, the ray of hope shines bright. Two, dawn begins to cover light. Three, the clouds of doubt edge in tight. Four, fear compares to darkness of the night. Five, what if Zoro wasn’t right? Six, the ship just got in sight! Seven, hope again, eight, gaining speed in excitement, nine, dashing forwards, ten, doubt again, eleven, panic rising with the heart rate, twelve, the breath gets short, thirteen, he’s closing in! Step and step again, the feelings went up and down like a rollercoaster, insecure and ever changing like the sea! Everything was like the sea! Never the same, always in motion! No time for using the plank, he jumped up on deck hastily, landed with a louder thud than usually and dashed off below deck to check on everything. His body froze on the spot. The room was so empty. So empty it was despicable. Yet the huge grin on his face wouldn’t go away. He finally found him! After a good third of the day. He finally found the cook. 

The faint smell of smoke, the ashtray, the slightly shifted things, the missing can for the coffee. It all was so small, so faint as if it could be as much of a dream as his disappearance, but it was all true. It was there. All the indicators. 

His feet brought him down to their hammock room but he never left the ladder down there for he could clearly see that none of the hammocks were occupied. He climbed back up and had another look around. The ship seemed empty, his steps on the wooden planks had a lonely sound to them. But somewhere here the man had to be. 

His body broke through the little orchard of orange trees, yet no Sanji was to be found there. A glance up told him that now there were only two places left. Either the pervert had broken into Nami’s room to skim through her underwear, or he had gone up into the crow’s nest.   
Though the first option had a much more probable sound to it, he decided to believe in the decency of the blond and climbed up to the crow’s nest. 

There he was. Fast asleep. With a little bird nestled into the awfully disgusting looking hair. Zoro smiled at the sight. A warm feeling spread in his chest that he could not fight down. This… was this what other people called… cute? Was this what “cute” felt like in the heart of admirers?

When Zoro reached out to give the shoulder a gentle nudge the bird looked up tiredly and chirped. Zoro halted. “Hello there”, he whispered softly. Actually Zoro didn’t like the look of a bird together wish Sanji. What if they gave the cook crazy ideas? What if the cook would fledge? 

He reached out one finger and held it towards the bird. “Get away from him. It’s not his time. …though it’s me who’s reluctant to let go.”

The bird hopped onto the outstretched finger happily and jumped a few times. He could have a good look at it now. The feathers were dark blue, yet its stomach was pure white. The tail feathers were nicely developed and split at the end. The bird tilted its head curiously. “I want to travel with him some more… don’t let him know.” 

Zoro moved the hand upward swiftly and sent the bird off flying into the distance. Then he looked down onto the sleeping frame. … whatever he felt now, it was a tsunami of so many things, there was no way he could pull out the right feeling, the right name for this storm wrecking his emotional territory. All he knew was just how relieved he was to see the cook safe. 

Now he was able to reach out and to nudge. Sanji did not move aside the breathing that lifted and lowered the blanket covering him. He poked him again. Slapping him awake wasn’t adequate at a time like this. 

Finally Sanji moaned and rolled over with his face up. The eyes were narrowed and the cook couldn’t see properly. Just a frame contre-jour, a mere silhouette. It felt like a dream. Where was he? 

Zoro stared down with a serious expression. That sight was not a good one. The cook looked out of it, absentminded, not entirely back to reality. His palm reached for the forehead and Sanji snuggled into the touch right away. He cursed. The shitfucker was burning up! What the hell was this troublemaker thinking, always causing worries! This was worse than Luffy’s permanent idiocy! 

Without another word he lifted the caterpillar-cook up together with the cocoon-blanket and jumped off the nest. The landing had a harsh impact on both of them and Sanji screamed out helplessly. The blond seemed confused about it. And confused he was! The pain hadn’t been there the day before. What was it that hurt so bad inside? 

The pain killers from the infusion had stopped working. The overexerted body now rebelled again with a fever. There was just one big problem. No matter how much Zoro hated to admit it, he would not be able to find the way back to the village. For now it was only him to take care of Sanji. This was troublesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, sorry for my half assed writing.   
> I was on hiatus with SoaS for a while because I was so inspired to write a Law x Sanji fanfic. Which I did. Eventually I got stuck and asked for help on tumblr and asked a follower for beta reading. One of those who I sent the fic along with all the ideas of where I was going with it simply took the work and claimed it as their own. I'm super mad but all my attempts to reach them or to talk to them again failed. I get ignored.   
> I'm mad. Go to hell with mad, I'm furious! Now I wanna continue with SoaS, but I cannot really get into it because I feel so deeply hurt... 
> 
> I'll try my best and eventually proofread everything. All the chapters so far have more potential but the frustration keeps me from proofreading them before the upload. Right now I just want to share something as fast as possible.
> 
> Sharing my writing with likeminded people helps me calm down. As long as I can entertain others I feel like I'm not doing it for nothing.   
> ...I'm still worked up though, guys... 
> 
> If you read that, thank you for taking your time.  
> Let's focus back on SoaS. I hope you still like it, even though my mood comes through in this... flat way of describing things. It doesn't feel very lively to me... So sorry again guys. So sorry...


End file.
